Executioner's Song, The - Norman Mailer [241]
Tamera hadn't seen him since.
Having it end in such a way, she wondered how close she had ever been to the boy. His whole life had to be a con. He had told so many lies she wondered how she could have felt so close. They hadn't been sharing the same truth, she said to Nicole. Yet, all the same, there had been some kind of truth, she said.
Now in the silence that followed, Tamera couldn't hold back any longer. She was so excited. "Please," she said, "let me just-" She gulped. She said, "Look, I'm going to find a typewriter, write a story, and bring it back and let you read it. If you don't like what I do, we'll just forget about it, you know. Because, after all-I said it'll be off the record," Tamera went on, "so if you still want it that way, it will be. But I got to try."
She went over to an old roommate's apartment and told her what was going on and sat down and started. It felt weird. There were so many constraints it took a couple of hours to write a couple of pages and when she brought them back, Nicole read, and took it all into herself, looked up and said, "No, I don't feel good about it." Tamera said, "Okay, that's it, then."
She felt disappointed, but, big deal-she'd just have to wait.
She wasn't going to violate the agreement.
The disappointment must have been marked right into her face, because now Nicole felt bad too. Tamera said, "Don't worry. That was our agreement." But Nicole got up and went over to a cabinet, and said, "I'm gonna show you something I never showed before. Would you like to read Gary's letters?"
That was one more heavy thing in what had sure been a heavy day. Tamera said, "Sure." Nicole took this full drawer, and dumped it on the table. There were so many envelopes Tamera just started reading at random. Couldn't believe it. Right off, first one she picked had some really good quotes. "Nicole," she said, "would you mind if I wrote down a couple of these sentences?"
They came to a kind of agreement: Tamera wouldn't do a story now, but after Nicole was gone, Tamera could write anything she wanted. So they both sat there at the kitchen table and read letters, and Tamera copied quotes as fast as she could. Finally left about eight that night. They'd been together since noon.
On the drive from Provo to Salt Lake, Tamera usually took it fast, went along with her radio full blast, and got a lot of tickets. On this night she poked along at 50, and tried to think. She didn't know what to do, couldn't sleep, and by morning, decided to tell her editor. It all seemed too big. In his sanctum, strictly off the record, she told how Nicole was planning to commit suicide when Gilmore went, and her editor remarked he had heard as much from other reporters. There were a lot of rumors going around. This new information, however, had convinced him to alert the authorities. That made Tamera fee! better.
She got to thinking that what Nicole needed most right now was a friend. Tamera was going to be that. Get her out doing things, and out from under the huge burden of living with Gilmore in her mind all the time.
Today you kissed my eyes, you have blessed them forever. I can see only beauty now. Oh, fair Nicole Kathryne Gilmore. You're a little elf sweet and neat and fun to eat. I'm not a great poet But if I had you naked on a bed or on the grass beneath the stars I'd write such a love song all over your fair freckled body with my tongue and my hands and my cock and my lips and whisper softly of your beauty, make you feel and soar and sail and sing to dance around the sun and moon and become as one and come as one and come and come and make you moan soft sighs wild eyes rolled back abandoned lusty sweaty wet and warm wrapped tire around mouths locked in sweet wet kisses kisses kisses look at you naked love to look at you naked or just in knee socks pull your panties up in the sweet crack of your little bouncy elf bootie loved to watch you walk around the house without your clothes on . . . sexy elf girl, I love you.
Your Gary
Gibbs also received