Executioner's Song, The - Norman Mailer [275]
They began to laugh. In the middle of it, Campbell thought, "I laugh more with this guy than anybody."
The prison had been in touch with Earl constantly about who passed the drugs to Gary. Their present belief was it pretty much had to be Nicole Barrett. For that reason they were going to let the matter lie. Hard to prosecute a girl who had almost died herself and would probably be sent to a mental hospital. On the other hand, since the prison had no concrete information, there was no particular reason to terminate the inquiry. So long as they could keep it open, they could also keep the pressure on Boaz, and isolate Gilmore from visits with physical contact.
Nicole felt as if she were completely surrounded by beautiful soft darkness. Didn't even know she had a body. Everything was blackness.
Then a hole came in, a little hole. She tried to close it, but the hole kept opening. It was whiter than white. Now she could see doctors' faces with the little mirrors they had over their foreheads. As if she were in a dream, she kept fighting to close that fucking hole.
Kathryne and Rikki had gone out to get something to eat, and Sue Baker was drowsing in the waiting room of Intensive Care, when she heard Nicole screaming, "I don't want to be here. I'm not supposed to be here!"
The door swung open and an intern shouted down the hall.
Nurses and doctors were going back and forth from Nicole's room for maybe an hour and Sue felt like she was listening outside a delivery room for a baby's first cry.
Then she could hear Nicole shout, "Fuck you, I want my cigarettes."
It was a lot of babble. She heard the intern trying to talk to Nicole, but he finally came out, and said to Sue, "see if you can do something."
Nicole said to her, "I'm supposed to be dead, I'm not supposed to be here." Before Sue could even grab her hand the intern was back with help, and they were ushering Sue out.
By the time she got in again, they must have told Nicole that Gary was alive. She was in a different mood. Said to Sue, "Let's talk about happier things." "Right," said Sue. Now Nicole wanted to walk, and the intern agreed. So Sue paraded her up and down the halls.
Nicole was wobbly and her legs acted so tired she could hardly make it, but she said, "Doesn't this remind you of the night I was drunk, Sue?" They thought back to that couple of nights when they were both drinking, and Sue felt beautiful that Nicole was up and talking and said, "Listen, lady, how could you do this? I need you too much, you know."
Nicole said, "I need you, too, but I wanted to be with Gary." Sue said, "Well, you're here now. You're not getting away again." Nicole sighed. "Aw, I'm not," she said. Then she walked a little and kind of winked, and said, "I'll try again if I have to."
By the time her mother got back to the hospital, Nicole was asleep once more. The next time she opened her eyes, however, Kathryne was there, and Nicole said, "I didn't give him enough. I knew I didn't give him enough." "He's just fine, Sissy," said Kathryne. Nicole started to pound the covers. "I knew it wasn't enough for such a big man. Why didn't I think?"
"Look, Sissy," said Kathryne, "if God wanted you, you'd be gone. You know, it just isn't your time. He doesn't want you yet." "I don't want to live," said Nicole. "Listen, baby," said Kathryne, "God has too much left for you to do before you can go." Nicole just laughed, and then she began to cry, and she said, "Oh, Mama."
5
Gibbs received a letter from the Salt Lake detective who was in charge of his case. When he opened the envelope, there was nothing inside but a newspaper cartoon of a man lying in a hospital bed. The nurse was saying, "Mr. Gilmore, wake up. It's time for your shot." At the foot of the hospital bed was a five-man firing squad.
Knowing Gary's sense of humor, Gibbs decided to send the cartoon.
Just then, the radio announced: "Dr. L. Grant Christensen said Gilmore can leave the hospital and return to Death Row if he continues to improve."
Gibbs laughed so hard he almost emptied his works. It