Executioner's Song, The - Norman Mailer [327]
What made Schiller's day, however, was that Gary informed Stanger he would answer the second batch of written questions and was willing to look at a new set that Larry had prepared.
The second set of answers proved, however, disappointing. It was as if the longer the hunger strike had gone on, the more Gary had had to play the con. So many questions were left blank. Invariably, the best ones.
WHY DID YOU TAKE THINGS WITHOUT PAYING FOR THEM-BEER-GUNS-GRAND CENTRAL, ETC.?
Didn't always have time to stand in those long checkout counter lines.
DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS MIND WAS DOING WHEN YOU KILLED?
I probably wouldn't mind knowing if I could know the truth, exactly.
I don't want it explained to me by some idiot headshrinker who's full of bullshit conjecture
WHAT DID YOU AND NICOLE FIGHT ABOUT? GIVE ME DIFFERENT KINDS OF FIGHTS.
Ask her.
WHY AND WHAT TOOK PLACE ON JULY 13, 1976, THAT CAUSED NICOLE TO LEAVE YOU? PLEASE ELABORATE.
Ask her.
BEFORE THE PROVO KILLINGS HAVE YOU EVER ATTEMPTED TO TAKE YOUR LIFE? IF YES ARE YOU UPSET THAT YOU FAILED AND WHY?
. . .
PLEASE TELL ME EVERYTHING THAT TOOK PLACE AT THE MOTEL FOR THE TIME YOU WERE THERE WITH APRIL.
. . .
WHY DID YOU STOP AT THE GAS STATION AND WHAT TOOK PLACE? WHAT WERE YOU AND APRIL TALKING ABOUT BEFORE THE GAS STATION?
. . .
WHY DID YOU ROB BEFORE YOU KILLED-WHY NOT JUST KILL OR JUST ROB?
Habit, I guess.
My lifestyle.
We're all creatures of habit.
Somebody else from a different background might do it different.
That's a good question. A valid question. I may as well have just killed-but I'm a thief. An ex-con, a robber. I was reverting to habit-perhaps so that it made some sense to me.
Hope I've answered this one.
Now Larry, I have a question for you and I'd appreciate a prompt honest answer.
Have you read the letters I wrote to Nicole?
Tell me.
It threw a scare into Schiller. He would have to move quickly on getting Vern and the lawyers to agree to sell the letters overseas. If he waited much longer, Gary might begin to make a large issue of these letters.
Schiller put the problem out of mind and went on to the next batch of answers. Gary had done those on the day he began to eat again and thankfully, there was more to his replies.
DID YOU REALLY WANT TO "START OVER" WHEN YOU CAME OUT ON PAROLE THIS TIME? DO YOU THINK THINGS JUST STARTED SNOWBALLING AND YOU GAVE UP TRYING? YOU WERE FUCKING UP ANYWAY SO WHAT THE HELL . . .
Yeah, what the hell! Wish I could talk to you, Schiller. I don't like to write. Just ain't the same as talking. You'd get more spontaneity in verbal exchange and, hence, better answers. I'm very concerned that you understand me correctly.
I can tell by your questions that you really don't know what I want to tell you. You're about 35 degrees off the mark. This is a piss poor way to communicate.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT BEING IN JAIL?
-You could easily do away with a lot of jails.
They're shit. They breed, they don't deter, crime.
Right now, I'm a prisoner of my body-I'm trapped in myself—
Worse than jail!
DID YOU EVER THINK ABOUT DEATH BEFORE YOU WERE FACED WITH THE DEATH SENTENCE?
A lot.
In depth.
A very lot.
Oh, yes.
HOW DID YOU FIRST MEET NICOLE? HOW DID YOUR RELATIONSHIP START?
It was, to each of us, like finding a part of us that had been lost and missing for a while. I can't prove it, but I know.
Want to know something else! I've been famous before-not infamous like now, but famous and rich too. Maybe that's why this don't mean a whole lot to me right now. This is all happening as it was meant to. Inwardin that quiet place that counsels-I always knew. It's no surprise. Nothing to get choked up about.
IT MAY SEEM LUDICROUS, TERRIBLY PSYCHOANALYTICAL, INANE, WHATEVER, BUT WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR MOTHER AND HER ROLE IN YOUR EARLY LIFE?
I love my mother. She's a beautiful