Executioner's Song, The - Norman Mailer [342]
4
Dec 23
Oh Gary i love You So
i miss you! God how i miss you. More than the sky and the earth. More than my freedom and more than my children .
The lawyers gave me a letter from you today. But these scuzzy, sheep herdin Aids took it before i got to read it. The Punks shake me down even when i visit with my mother an Kids. Fuckin Looneys. Oh, Baby i wanted so bad to read your lovin' words.
Babe, what is to become of us? God, what is happening? i need to see you. How could they let you die so alone, my love? i want so bad just to look into your eyes once again.
God ain't it crazy? Aint it so fuckin crazy.
i'm furious with the ways an wiles of Love Life and the Ultimate Wisdom, furious with God. And furious with myself for not being patient and doing things right the first time with jack an jill.
Love to have that pretty white bird sitting here on my night stand. You remember that i spoke or wrote to you once of my childhood daydream of being through with this senseless life and being born once again but if the choice be mine it was to be born into the wings of a small white bird. And still would i choose the same if i could.
Christmas Eve
Dec. 24
Long days waiting
For your Love again
Long nights restless
Scattered thots
Wondering whats become
Of all our chances.
Nicole
Dec. 25
it is not really a 'fear jest such a great sadness to think of the uncertainty of days ahead.
Nicole
DESERET NEWS
No Move for Nicole
Provo, Christmas Day-Nicole Barrett has been ordered committed indefinitely to the Utah State Hospital in Provo.
Fourth District Judge David Sam ruled that the mother of two young children should stay in the mental hospital . . .
Meanwhile, a turkey dinner with all the trimmings was the highlight of Christmas Day at Utah State Prison where Gilmore is in isolation for disciplinary reasons.
Gilmore was not allowed to receive any presents and today was a non-visiting day, so he had no visitors a prison spokesman said.
Sterling Baker's wife, Ruth Ann, wrote a letter.
Dear Gary, I was thinking about you and how you are going to be alone on Xmas. I wish I could be up there with you. I really love you a lot. I hope in the next world we can meat, and be able to know each other well. But please don't try to hurry it. I don't want you to die.
Usually the Damico family would have a big Christmas party. One year they would get together at Brenda's house, next year at Toni's, then Ida's. This season, being no joy for it, they met at Toni's to exchange gifts, said a prayer for Gary, had a cup of coffee, went back to their separate places.
Mikal came over to the trailer on Christmas Day but Bessie's mind was on other times. She remembered one Christmas when Gary was not in Reform School and was watching his baby brother unwrap the gifts. She had tended to spoil Mikal in those days. It had taken her half the night to wrap his presents, but in the morning Mikal kept saying, "This is an awful day. I've got so many things I don't want." Gary kept laughing.
Gaylen, on the other hand, came home one afternoon that year just before the holidays and said one of the Sisters told them how there was no Santa Claus. He was very upset. Bessie said, "Gaylen, there's only the spirit of giving. That exists. You've had the good heart to believe in Santa Claus longer than anybody else."
Then her thoughts came back to the trailer. These days all thoughts returned to the trailer. Her heart turned over, as if a great wheel had revolved. She felt a tear drop, pure as sorrow itself.
GILMORE What is Christmas? These holidays in jail are a bummer. You don't get any mail. The routine is disrupted, the day just seems slower. They act like they're really doing something by giving you a big meal, but it ain't like the menu in the paper. You don't get it good, you know. I don't like weekends in jail, but holidays I hate.
Shirley Pedler,