Executioner's Song, The - Norman Mailer [395]
I will.
I will come to and hold you my darling companion.
Do not doubt.
I'll show you.
Baby I've been avoiding something but I'll come to it right now.
If you choose to join me or if you choose to wait-it is your choice.
Whenever you come I will be there.
I swear on all that is holy.
I do not want anybody else to ever have you if you choose to wait.
You are mine.
My soul mate.
Indeed, my very soul.
Do not fear nothingness my Angel. You will never experience it.
Sunday morning, Lucinda was typing the transcript of yesterday's interview when all of a sudden, she couldn't help it and made a sound. Schiller turned around. She was crying her head off, right there on Sunday morning.
Vern was on the phone to Larry. Offers were coming in from wax museums to buy Gary's clothes. The sums were up to several thousand dollars. While there was no question of selling, it had now become a matter of safeguarding the last things Gary wore. Then they decided they had better protect his remains as well. While the prison would deliver Gary's body to the Salt Lake hospital where his eyes and organs would be removed, Schiller decided to post his own guard. He had truly lucked into Jerry Scott. Just the man to keep watch when they moved Gary from the hospital to the crematorium.
GILMORE Fagan said, "There's still a chance you'll get your phone call from Nicole." I told him, "You foul, sleazy cocksucker, fuck you in the ass." He said, "Oh, ah ah ah ah." He says, "My hands are tied." I said, "Well, how does it feel to walk around with your hands tied? Have you ever thought about feeling like a man, you piece of shit." I don't even know if I'll come in to the visiting room tonight. Fagan will say, "Well, we really treated him great on his last night. We gave him unlimited visits. We let him see his uncle and his lawyers." (laugh)
Moody began his last list of questions.
MOODY If on your passage you meet a new soul coming to take your place, what advice would you have for him?
GILMORE Nothing. I don't expect someone to take my place. Hi, I'm your replacement . . . where's the key to the locker . . . where do you keep the towels?
MOODY I don't know, wouldn't you have something to tell him about the life that ah . . . awaits him?
GILMORE Shit. That's a serious question.
MOODY I think he wants you to be very serious about it.
GILMORE I've talked to people who know more than I do, and people who know less, and I listen, and I decided the only fucking thing I know about death, the only real feeling I have about it, it'll be familiar.
I don't think it'll be a harsh, unkind thing. Things that're harsh and unkind, are here on earth, and they're temporary. They don't last. This all passes. That is my summation of my ideas, and I might be all wet.
MOODY Do you know what Joe Hill's last message to the Wobblies was?
GILMORE Joe?
MOODY Joe Hill. He's a man who was killed in Utah a number of years ago.
GILMORE His name was Joe Hillstrom. What did he tell the Wobblies?
MOODY "Don't mourn, boys, organize."
GILMORE Don't warn?
MOODY "Don't mourn, boys, organize."
GILMORE Well, I got something like that I kinda like: "Never fear, never breathe." That's a Muslim saying. I don't know where they got it, but you can apply it to anything, it makes pretty good sense.
"Don't mourn, boys, organize."
MOODY You know the old line in the war movies, "Any man who said he ain't scared is either a liar or a fool"?
GILMORE What about it?
MOODY Doesn't that apply at least a little to your situation?
GILMORE I didn't say I wasn't scared, did I?
MOODY No. But your message to the world has the connotation of don't fear.
GILMORE Well, why fear? It's negative. You know you could damn near call it a sin if you let fear run your life.
MOODY You're certainly determined to defeat fear.
GILMORE I don't feel any fear right now. I don't think I will tomorrow morning. I haven't felt any yet.
MOODY How are you able to overcome fear from coming into your soul?
GILMORE I guess I'm lucky. It hasn't come in. You