Executioner's Song, The - Norman Mailer [420]
Whenever Gary walked away, Ron kept turning the Fast Forward so he would not have to hear it all. Yet, it surprised him. The speech was more eloquent than you'd expect. Stanger did not know if he could ever address anyone he loved in such words.
"In the early morning when your mind is clear, that's the best time to know, but you're in a place like I am, you don't want to be part of ringing bells and hollering get up, get up, or we'll come in and take your bedding. I have to listen to the clanging and banging of steel and concrete and it's bullshit and I wake up and I can't, you know, think pure thoughts, these need quiet and relaxation. Hey, Elf, I love you," he said, "I want to suck your little cunt. God-fucking-damn, I was ready to die. Ohhh, the fuckers. Just remember that I love you, and like any foolish man, my head stays sort of funky and all the girls write to me, girls from Honolulu wrote to me, they're fourteen, their names are Stacy and Rory and they was just talking about fucking, smoking dope, but you know they come from good families, and one of 'em wrote, Man, tell me about Nicole. I want to know about her, and I told her, Man, she's the most beautiful, sexy girl in the world and I kept her naked most of the time 'cause she's such an elf, and a cute little elf, the elf, the elf, my elf." His voice trailed off, and then he seemed to collect himself, and told Nicole, "She wrote back and she says, Well, I got red hair, and freckles, too. It was just before Christmas and I sent 'em each a hundred dollars, a Christmas gift from Gary and Nicole, they didn't ask for it, they weren't looking for nothing-it's just I like to do things like that," and he stammered a little and said, "I sent 'em each a Gary Gilmore T-shirt, and I asked 'em to wear it, or whatever, I told 'em they could wear it with nothing on underneath. A lot of girls write to me and they say different things, and love, they don't know me, if they knew me, they wouldn't love me. They're in love with the motherfucker that's got his name in the paper every day. You know, I flirt with them a little bit, but I always tell them, Ah, look, I got a girl, I didn't mean to fucking mislead your ass, but I got the most terrific girl in the world, she's part of me, nobody but you, Nicole, never, ever, ever . . . I love you with all that I am, I give you my heart and my soul." He sighed "I read things in the paper . . . they say this evil son of a bitch with his hypnotic, charismatic, fucking personality talked this girl into suicide . . . whew, whew . . . I'm not going to tell you what to think. Like you said, you're on that fucking forensic ward, you're watched by the posse, I think most posses, man, are shooting on you. You got some money. Baby, I took sixty fucking phenobarbital. I laid there for twelve hours. I have this pretty strong body, you know, I haven't ruined it with too much drink and smoking 'cause I've been in this ole prison so long. If they do stay my execution, I'm going to hang myself, fuck 'em in their goddamn rosy red asses." He took a breath and began to sing. He had one of the worst singing voices Stanger had ever heard, never on pitch, and Gary had no idea when he was off. When he thought to croon, he groaned. The groans strangled. When he came near a note, he was sour. Still, he began to sing "Rock of Ages." "While I draw this fleeting breath, when my eyelids close in bed . . . when I soar to worlds unknown, see Thee on my judgment throne, rock of ages, let me hide myself in Thee." He stopped singing. "Oh, man, I told you I talked to Johnny Cash, goddamn."
Gilmore laughed. "Johnny Cash knows I'm alive, he knows you're alive, he likes us . . . Oh, Nicole . . . I'm not a Charlie Manson type, I'm not swaying you to