Executioner's Song, The - Norman Mailer [66]
She hadn't even wanted to open Kip's letter, and when she did, he wrote that he wanted her to come back. The letter left her feeling crowded. It was like the past was coming back. Hampton, of all people, was going around with her sister April. Everybody Nicole decided, was fucking with her head.
All the while she was having these thoughts, Gary had been sitting at her feet. Now he had to pick this moment to look up with all the light of love shining in his eyes. "Baby," he said, "I really love you all the way and forever." She looked back. "Yeah," she said, "and so do seven other motherfuckers."
Gary hit her. It was the first time, and he hit her hard. She didn't feel the pain so much as the shock and then the disappointment. It always ended the same way. They hit you when they felt like it.
Soon enough, he apologized. He kept apologizing. But it did no good. She had been hit so fucking many times. The kids were in bed, and she looked at Gary and said, "I want to die." It was how she felt.
He kept trying to make up. Finally, she told him that she had felt like dying before but never did anything about it. Tonight, she wouldn't mind.
Gary got a knife and held the point to her stomach. He asked her if she still wanted to die.
It was frightening that she wasn't more afraid. After a few minutes, she finally said, "No, I don't," but she had been tempted. After he put the knife away, she even felt trapped. She couldn't believe the size of the bad feeling that came down on her then.
They had one more marathon. Up all night about whether to fuck. In the middle, around midnight, he took off. Not too long later he came in with a bunch of boxes. There was a pistol in every box.
She got over it a little. She had to. The guns hung around.
3
Sterling Baker had a birthday party the last Sunday afternoon June, and the party went on in Sterling's apartment and out in the backyard, fifteen or twenty good people. A lot brought bottles. Nicole had cutoffs on, and a halter top, and knew she was looking good. Gary was sure showing her off. A couple of dudes began to tell what a hot lady he had. Gary would say, "Know it," and grab her both breasts, or pull her into his lap.
Well, it was Sterling's birthday, and Nicole still had this crush on her cousin. So Nicole started kidding him about a kiss and Sterling said he'd take her up on it. She asked Gary's okay. He gave her a look, but she went and sat on Sterling's lap anyway. Gave him a long kiss that would tell a lot about her.
When she opened her eyes, Gary was sitting with no expression on his face. He said, "Had enough?"
They were keeping a keg of beer out in the back. The fellow upstairs had also invited his friends, and one of them was a guy Jimmy, a Chicano. He picked up a pair of sunglasses that had laid on the roof of a broken-down old car out in the while he was tapping a keg. Nicole figured maybe Jimmy didn't know, just picked them up. Only thing, the glasses were a present from Gary to Sterling.
Gary came on strong. "I want them glasses back," he told Jimmy, "they're mine." Jimmy got kind of upset and left. Nicole started shrieking. "You're fucking up the party," she shouted at Gary. "All this horseshit over a stupid pair of glasses."
Jimmy came back to the party with a couple of friends. As soon as he walked in the yard, Gary was on his feet and heading toward him. They were throwing fists before you could stop it.
Maybe Gary was too drunk, but Jimmy split his eye with the first punch. Blood was running all over Gary's face. He got hit again and went down to his knees, got back up and started swinging.
About that time, everybody broke the fight up. Sterling walked Jimmy around the front of the house and got him to leave. Just as Jimmy was walking off, Gary came up holding a gear knob that he'd taken off the beat-up car in the backyard. Sterling stepped in front of him. "Gary, you're through with that, you're not going to hit him," he said. Just talking in a normal tone of voice. But he had a big fellow standing next to him to back what was said.