Executioner's Song, The - Norman Mailer [86]
Could they get together? he asked. She said she did not think so. One of them might kill the other.
4
To her surprise, Kathryne felt like she wanted to cry. Gary came in so pathetic. Just kind of sat. He put a carton of cigarettes and a box of Pampers on the table, and said, "She'll probably be needing these." There was a silence, then he said, "Would you do something for me?" Kathryne said, "Well, yes, if I can." "Will you give her this for me? That's the best one I could find. It's not very good, but it's the best I could find." Kathryne looked. Gary was standing in the picture wearing a blue windbreaker. She thought it had probably been taken in prison. He was looking young and tough, and he'd written on back "I love you." After she lay the photograph down, Gary said, "got to be going."
When Sissy dropped by later that evening, she just glanced the photo, made an umph sound, and threw it on the cupboard. Later Kathryne put it at the back of the dish closet where it would be safe from the kids and the jam and the peanut butter.
Toward evening, Gary went to sit with Brenda and Johnny. The patio wasn't much of a garden spot, more like a shed with pale corrugated plastic roofing that let light through, and a wrought-iron chairs and dirty old canvas camp chairs. Brenda never tried to fix her yard too much, but it was nice to have a drink there in the dark, Not only was Gary having his emotional pains but Johnny would soon be hurting. He had to go into the hospital for a hernia.
It might not take long, but it wasn't going to be fun. Brenda would have liked a joke about the doctor not clipping any extra meat there, but that, unfortunately, was not Gary's mood.
The white and yellow socks he was wearing looked in better taste than usual, so Brenda remarked, "I like those socks, coz." He stared at her and said, "They're Nicole's." Looked like he was going to cry.
It was awful. Brenda could feel that empty house in Spanish Fork. "I can still smell her perfume," Gary said. It was obvious he was in that advanced kind of suffering where he could hardly keep a thought to himself.
"I've got to find her," he said.
"Honey, this kind of thing takes time," said Brenda. "Maybe Nicole needs a couple of days." "I can't wait," he said. "Will you help me find her?" "It don't work that way," Brenda said. "If a woman don't want to talk to you, she'll kill you first."
Usually no matter what Gary might be feeling, he liked to seem the picture of relaxation. Today he was on the edge of his chair. It was like the air was being eaten by the nervousness he felt. She didn't want to think of his stomach. Shreds. She thought his goatee looked awful.
"This is the first time I've experienced a pain I can't take," he said. "I used to be able to handle anything that came up, didn't matter how bad, but it's tougher out here. Everybody's going about their business. Where is Nicole?"
A dread went into the air with the evening. Brenda could almost hear Gary listening to Nicole with other men. They kept drinking. After a couple of hours he passed out on them. In the morning, he went to work.
"Why look so hard," Spencer asked, "for a woman who doesn't to get back with you? Leave her alone. She knows where you are." "I'm going to paint my car," said Gary.
He started to drive the Mustang into the shop, but didn't raise the sliding door high enough. So he banged it going in. Bent it. Spencer didn't even groan. Gary could have had the car painted for fifty bucks and now it would cost three hundred or more to get the door working right once more. For the present Spence just tied a rope to the stove-in part and winched the dent back to usable condition. The shop door looked like hell.
During lunch, Gary drove to Spanish Fork and walked through rooms. Next, he came back to Springville and visited the laundromat. Stopped to visit Sue Baker. She hadn't heard from Nicole.
"Sissy," said Kathryne,