Exodus - Leon Uris [255]
“I hope by the end of this week to have you completely off drugs. I want you to start exercising the leg and give it as much motion as possible. However, you must be very careful about putting too much strain on the incision. It isn’t stitched.”
“How long before I’ll be able to walk?”
“I can’t say without an X ray. I am inclined to think the bone was just cracked and not chipped. If there was a chip you would still be in severe pain. However, I can safely say that you aren’t going anywhere for at least a month.”
Ari whistled under his breath as she pulled the sheet up around him.
“I’m going out for a walk,” she said. “I’ll be back in a half hour.”
“Kitty. Just a moment. I ... uh ... look, you’ve been very kind. You’ve watched over me like an angel. Since this morning you have seemed angry. Is there something wrong? Have I done something?”
“I’m tired, I’m worn out. I’ve been up for five nights. I’m sorry I can’t do a song and dance for you.”
“That’s not it. There’s something more. You’re sorry you came here, aren’t you?”
“Yes, I am,” she said softly.
“Do you hate me?”
“Hate you, Ari? Haven’t I made it quite obvious how I feel about you? Please, I’m tired ...”
“What is it? Tell me?”
“I despise myself for caring for you.... Is there anything else you want to know?”
“You can be a terribly complicated woman, Kitty Fremont.”
“I suppose I am.”
“Why do you and I always have to confront each other with our guards up, ready to swing ... ready to run?”
Kitty regarded him steadily for a moment. “Maybe because I don’t live by your simple, uncluttered standards of I-like-you-and-you-like-me-so-let’s-go-to-bed. Page four forty-four of the Palmach manual: boys and girls should not indulge in coyness. Women of Palestine, be forthright. If you love him, sleep with him.”
“We aren’t hypocrites.”
“I’m not so advanced in my thinking as Jordana or your immortal Dafna.”
“Stop it,” Ari snapped. “How do you dare to imply that my sister and Dafna were—tramps? Jordana has loved only one man in her life. Is it wrong to give her love when she does not know if either of them will be alive at the end of the week? Don’t you think I would have preferred to live in peace at Yad El with my Dafna than have her killed by Arab gangs?”
“I don’t live my life as a noble mission. It is very simple with me, Ari. I have to be needed by the man I love.”
“Let’s quit this,” Ari said. “Haven’t I made it plain to you that I needed you?”
Kitty laughed shortly with bitterness. “Yes, you needed me, Ari. You needed me on Cyprus to smuggle forged papers out of Caraolos and you needed me again ... to pull a bullet out of you. It is remarkable, that mind of yours. Even half dead and rolling in pain you could figure out all the angles. You could plot out the course ... fill the truck up with children to avoid suspicion. You didn’t need me, Ari. You needed a candidate to get through the British roadblocks.
“I’m not blaming you,” she continued. “I am the number-one damned fool. We all have our crosses to bear and I guess you are mine. I just can’t take it with the straight-faced unconcern of a sabra.”
“Does that make it necessary to treat me like an animal?”
“Yes ... because that’s what you are. You’re a mechanical animal, too infested with the second coming of the Israelites to be a human being. You don’t know the meaning of giving love. You know only fighting. Well, I’m fighting you, Brother Ben Canaan, and I’m going to beat you, and I’m going to forget you, in spades.”
Ari remained silent as she walked to the bed and stood over him with tears of anger welling in her eyes. “Some bright day you’re really going to need someone and it’s going to be a terrible thing because you don’t have the capacity to truly ask for help.”
“Why don’t you take that walk?” he said.
“I’m taking it and I’m going to keep on walking. Good Nurse Fremont is through.