Expendable - James Alan Gardner [115]
“You’re underestimating the people of Melaquin,” I said. “They may be different from humans, but—”
“Save it,” he interrupted. “I know all the arguments. And you’re right, I shouldn’t dismiss them. Eel and Oar deserved better than I gave them. But I didn’t have it in me. They kept reminding me of all the shallow ‘beautiful people’ who make the Fleet a hell. So I used them and used them and used them until I couldn’t stand the sight of them anymore.”
“Then you killed Eel,” I said.
“That was Ullis’s fault,” he replied. “If she’d just let me leave quietly…but she grabbed Eel and forced me to explain things. I tried rational discussion, I really did. I told Eel that Ullis and I had a duty to join the other Explorers; I told her that she and Oar would feel out of place if they came with us. Eel wouldn’t listen. She had the mind of a child. She didn’t want to be left out. Finally, I had no option but to….”
He lapsed into silence, so I finished the sentence for him. “You shot her,” I said. “And even though the regs made you carry a standard-issue stunner when you landed, you must have amplified the pistol as soon as you knew you were stuck on Melaquin.”
“True,” he admitted. “Everyone knows the guns are underpowered….”
“They’re underpowered because anything more could be deadly,” I snapped. “I can imagine what high intensity sonics did to a woman made of glass.”
“You think she shattered like crystal?” He shook his head. “Nothing so dramatic. These people aren’t real glass; you know that. Eel stayed on her feet a long time. I kept shooting and shooting and she wouldn’t fall down. And I swear I didn’t believe the gun would really damage her; she was so tough, you could pound her with a sledgehammer without making a dent. But something inside her body was vulnerable to sonics. Something must have…cracked. Maybe her brain, maybe her heart, I don’t know. But the instant she fell, she was dead.” He shook his head as if this was an incomprehensible mystery. “So I dragged her into the woods and stuffed her under a pile of brush.”
“And now you’re a murderer,” I said. “A dangerous non-sentient being.”
“Maybe.” He didn’t sound convinced. “But it was just an accident. Sometimes I think it’ll be all right if I get on the starship with everyone else. I didn’t mean to kill her. And if I don’t go on the ship, I’ll be stuck on Melaquin, won’t I? No better than the criminals and other scum the council banished here….”
“I won’t be leaving either,” I said. “I’m a murderer too.”
And I told him everything.
Releasing Pressure
I confessed because of the pressure to tell someone. I confessed because he was Jelca. I confessed because we were both unforgivable.
He had killed a sentient woman for the sole reason that she was inconvenient. Don’t think I was deceived by Jelca’s excuses. He shot Eel because he didn’t want to face the fallout from exploiting her for six months. Maybe he hadn’t expected the stunner to kill her. He should have considered the possibility, but maybe he didn’t. Instead, he blasted her again and again until her glass vitals cracked into shards.
Jelca was a murderer and so was I. I had butchered my partner and left him to rot in a log. That was a fact, and intentions be damned.
I told Jelca the facts as clearly as I could without choking up. Neither of us could possibly leave. I didn’t know how I felt about staying with him, but we owed it to the others not to jeopardize their