Expendable - James Alan Gardner [88]
My Appearance Revisited
The skin eased down onto my cheek. I patted it into place. For a moment I could feel its light touch, but the sensation slowly vanished—like the residue of water after washing your face, disappearing as it dries into thin air.
When I first laid out the patch, its edges were visible. I spent a minute trying to smooth them down; but as I watched, I could see the outer fringe knit itself into my own skin, bonding, becoming part of me. I brushed the intersection with my finger: it was barely discernible. It was still possible to see where the patch ended and my own cheek began—the patch was darker—but within minutes all trace of a join was gone.
Like a parasite affixing itself to a newfound host.
Yet I did not feel any revulsion. My cheek had the texture of smooth, perfect skin. When I looked closely, I could see fine hairs peeking out of it. Were they my own hairs, protruding through the mesh? Or did the material have hairs of its own, mimicking real tissue?
I didn’t know. I couldn’t remember if hairs had grown up through my birthmark. After only three minutes, I was forgetting what my birthmark looked like.
I shivered.
With sudden energy, I snapped myself away from the mirror and strode into the next room. “Let’s go for a walk,” I told Oar.
“May I touch it?” she asked.
“No. Walk.”
Hard
We began to stroll the circumference of the habitat dome—keeping to the edge of town let me avoid being surrounded by glass buildings. In an hour, I would look at my face; before then, I didn’t want to catch any chance reflection. Therefore, my gaze was turned toward the black dome wall as we walked. There was nothing to see, and that was good.
From time to time, I could feel Oar glancing at me. I was deliberately walking on her right, so she could only see my good cheek; her furtive peeks were attempts to watch the new skin change. Or perhaps she was only trying to gauge my mood. After minutes of tentative silence, she finally asked, “How are you feeling, Festina?”
“I’m fine.” The words came out automatically. “I’m always fine,” I said.
“You are not fine, you are troubled. Must I punch you in the nose so soon?”
I gave her a rueful grin. “No.” It was tempting to face her, but I didn’t. I could feel nothing special in my cheek, yet it seemed to be the center of all my consciousness. “This is just hard,” I said.
“Why is it hard? Either you will stay the same, or you will look less ugly. You cannot lose.”
“I might have an allergic reaction.”
“What is an allergic reaction?”
“It’s…” I shook my head. “Never mind, I was just being difficult.” I turned my gaze to the crisp white cement beneath our feet. “This is hard,” I said again.
We walked another minute in silence. Then Oar said, “I know how to stop you being sad. We can find the Tower of Ancestors in this place.”
She looked at me expectantly.
“And that would cheer me up?” I asked.
“It feels good inside the Hall of Ancestors.”
“Only if you feed off UV and X-rays,” I told her. “I’ll pass.”
“But if we go to the Tower of Ancestors,” Oar insisted, “we can find the foolish Prophet those Morlocks follow. Then we will walk up to him and say, ‘Pooh!’ Just like that: ‘Pooh!’ Someone should have spoken to him a long time ago. ‘Pooh!’”
I smiled. “You have a knack for theological argument. Good thing you didn’t try it with the Morlocks themselves.”
“The Morlocks are all very foolish,” she replied. “It does not make sense to wear skin when it only looks ugly. Ugliness is bad. You know that, Festina. You will never be beautiful, but you are trying to look better. That is wise. That is correct.”
“Thank you,” I answered drily. “But even if the new skin works, I may not wear it forever. I just put it on for curiosity’s sake. An experiment, that’s all. No self-respecting woman places much value on mere appearance…”
Such babble. Even Oar knew I was talking for my own benefit. She gazed at me with gentle pity…and perhaps I would have prattled on to greater depths of humiliation if a naked man hadn’t materialized two