Faith - Lesley Pearse [216]
Laura had to smile. Jackie had always been very good at grasping situations and weighing people up.
‘And when was this, Mother?’ Meggie asked.
‘How do you expect me to remember that? All I know is that it wasn’t all that long before she was killed because I recognized her face in the papers.’
When Meggie returned from taking their mother home, Laura was sitting in the kitchen drinking a glass of wine. ‘I hope you turned her gas tap on before you left her,’ she said.
Meggie half smiled. ‘No chance, it’s all electric. She really is a piece of work, isn’t she? So that’s how Jackie found out about us all! I suppose you’re really mortified?’
‘Yes and no,’ Laura said thoughtfully. ‘It kind of explains what Jackie meant in her letter to Stuart, when she said, “Tell Laura I understand.” She was intuitive about people, Meggie, she might have hoped to learn all the ins and outs, but Mum asking her for money would have been enough for her.’
‘She’d have been appalled by the way she lives too,’ Meggie said sadly. ‘It’s really squalid. Over the years both Ivy and I have tried to improve things, but as fast as we buy her new curtains or a nice armchair, she sells them. We’ve given up now, just like Freddy has. So either Ivy or I go round there once a week and clear up, throw out all the bottles, put some money in the electric, and take her clean clothes. Sometimes I think we must be mad to do it, we never get any thanks.’
‘You know, you turned out just fine,’ Laura said, and getting up she put her arms round her sister and hugged her. ‘It’s a real miracle.’
Meggie disengaged herself from Laura and put her hands on either side of her sister’s face. ‘It isn’t a miracle, Laura, it was you. I remember you giving us our breakfast, taking the washing to the laundrette, doing our hair. Always there for us. I was angry and hurt when you left without telling us. But you even came back to Barnes at just the right time. Another month or so and I’d have been a lost cause, I’d have got pregnant by some thug, ended up just like Mother, I guess. But you were like a guiding light, you led me out of that.’
‘I didn’t lead you very well if you went on the game!’ Laura said, her eyes filling up with tears.
‘I did what I had to do,’ Meggie said firmly. ‘I’d learned that from you. I know you used to nick food and clothes for us all when we were in Shepherds Bush, and I went on the game for the same reason, to make sure Ivy didn’t go hungry. The end justifies the means. I don’t regret any of it now. The only thing that makes me sad is that you’ve spent your whole life believing you are a bad person. You aren’t!’
Laura began to cry then, and Meggie led her into the sitting room, sat her down on the settee and cuddled her as she cried.
‘They call families like ours dysfunctional nowadays,’ Meggie murmured against her hair. ‘They have social workers running round after them, they get handouts and all kinds of help. Look at us, our dad rarely did a day’s work and ended up in prison, Mark and Paul are probably locked up somewhere too, and our mum is a hard-drinking slut who would sell her own grandchild if she thought she’d make a few bob. But because of you, us three younger ones got our act together and broke the mould. You should be proud of that. Your new life begins today, Laura. Stop looking backward with regret and start looking forward with optimism.’
Laura had no idea how long she cried that evening or even exactly why she was crying. All she knew was that after she stopped, she felt cleansed.
Meggie ran a bath for her, and later came and tucked her into bed as if she were a small child.
‘Do you remember the story you used to tell Ivy and me?’ she asked, sitting on the bed beside her sister and stroking her forehead. ‘The one about the three little girls who had to do all sorts of difficult and dangerous tasks to get the magic box that held the three wishes?’
Laura shook her head, she couldn’t remember it.
Meggie smiled down at her. ‘Well, Ivy and I remember