Faith - Lesley Pearse [244]
‘People rarely change, you should know that,’ Laura said reprovingly.
‘Maybe, but I thought I ought to give it one more shot. So far she’s been much nicer, she’s trying to do more for herself. Of course it’s early days yet, but if she does revert back, then I will go.’
‘I can’t help thinking you deserve more than she can ever give you.’
‘What else is there for me?’ he said with a bleak look. ‘Jackie was the love of my life, I know I’ll never find anyone else like her. So I may as well stay in my own home looking after Peggie, which at least makes me feel useful, rather than living alone with nothing but sad memories.’
‘Jackie cast a long shadow,’ Laura sighed. ‘I don’t know how I’m going to get used to the idea she’s gone for good either. But we’ve got to, Ted. We can feel privileged that we shared so much with her, but I don’t think she’d approve of either of us moping for ever. Anyway, I ought to go now. Thank you so much for looking after Barney for me, and I’m sorry I had to dig up the geraniums.’
‘I’ll take them home and put them in the greenhouse for the winter. I’ll keep on popping back just to keep an eye on the grave and tidy it up,’ he said. ‘But what are your plans now?’
She told him that she was going back to London.
‘And Stuart?’ he asked. ‘Will he be going with you?’
Laura found herself telling him about how it was with her and Stuart and what Angie had said.
‘I agree with your friend,’ he said and he took her hand in his and squeezed it in understanding. ‘It was patently obvious to me how he felt about you. I think the only reason he hasn’t voiced his feelings is because he’s afraid of rejection. We men can be far more insecure than women, you know,’ he said with a little chuckle.
‘The trouble is I can’t be sure how I really feel,’ she explained. ‘Right now I do think we were meant for each other, but what if I’m mistaken, and it all goes wrong? I couldn’t bear to hurt him again.’
‘Nothing of any value in this life comes with any guarantees,’ Ted said with a smile. ‘You just have to have faith.’
‘He told me I had to have faith in him when he first came to see me in prison,’ Laura said thoughtfully. ‘He didn’t let me down either.’
‘Go and find him, Laura. You’ve got nothing to lose except a bit of pride.’
He picked up the bag of geraniums and walked with her to her car. ‘Will you let me know how you are from time to time?’ he asked, fishing in his pocket and taking out a card. ‘Jackie would’ve been so proud of the way you’ve handled this terrible business. I see no bitterness in you, and that proves what a remarkable woman you are.’
‘And you, Ted, are a remarkably lovely man,’ she said, putting her arms around him and hugging him. ‘God bless and I hope it does work out with you and your wife. She’s a very lucky woman to have you.’
Right up until she had nearly reached the Forth Bridge, Laura intended to go over it, on through Edinburgh and then take the A7 towards Carlisle, stopping off somewhere for a day or two. But when she saw the road sign for Stirling something stirred inside her. She didn’t want to go to the Borders; the Highlands was where she wanted to be.
It was gone six when she reached the small town of Callander, and remembering that beyond that was open countryside where it might be hard to find a guest house with vacant rooms, she decided to stop there for the night.
She found a guest house on the main street, checked in, then went for a walk through the small town and had fish and chips in a cafe before returning to her room for the night.
Brae Bank was the kind of guest house Jackie had always loved to send up. Orange candlewick bedspreads, rose-strewn chintz curtains, small, thin, scratchy towels, soap in a dispenser on the bathroom wall and rather battered furniture. Laura knew without testing it that the mattress had seen better days, and the pillows would be lumpy. But it kind of pleased her, for it was good to be alone in an impersonal room. She didn’t need to make chit-chat