Faith - Lesley Pearse [55]
Yet writing about that part of her life was the easy bit; she was, after all, just a sad kid who tried to rub out the areas of her past which hurt. It was going to be far more difficult and painful to study the adult Laura, for she had done things which were inexcusable. But to examine Jackie’s big role in her life, and the forces and reasons they both turned out as they did, she felt she must look back and write it all down. She didn’t have to show it to anyone, and perhaps by being totally honest with herself, she’d find some kind of consolation.
In the New Year of ’62 Roger and Steven drove over to Muswell Hill to take Laura and Jackie out for a drink at Jack Straw’s Castle on Hampstead Heath. It began to snow heavily as they were on their way to the pub, so the date was cut short as the men were afraid they might not be able to get home later.
As they left they promised they would come over again at the weekend. Laura’s seventeenth birthday was on the Saturday, and Frank and Lena bought her a second-hand record player, something she’d wanted ever since she moved into her bedsitter. But Roger and Steven didn’t phone or turn up, which completely spoiled the day for her.
They didn’t ring until the middle of the following week, just when the girls had given up hope of ever seeing them again. They invited them to a party at their flat on the Saturday evening, and Roger suggested they should stay the night because the party would go on till the early hours.
Both Laura and Jackie were so excited that they couldn’t eat or sleep and they had endless discussions about what they should wear and whether the invitation to stay the night meant the men expected them to sleep with them. Jackie took the view that it was high time she lost her virginity anyway, and as Roger was such a good kisser he’d probably be a good lover too.
Laura pretended she felt the same but inwardly she was quaking with fear. The memory of Vincent’s erect penis had stayed with her, and the fact that she liked Steven made no difference to her – she was quite sure that sex with any man would be disgusting.
It was bitterly cold on the day of the party and Jackie decided she was going to wear jeans and a jumper rather than a party dress. ‘I doubt anyone will dress up when it’s so cold,’ she insisted. ‘We’ll just look silly and we’ll be miserable if we’re shivering all night.’
Jackie, with her vivid red hair and green eyes, would never be overlooked even if she dressed in a sack, but Laura felt she looked insipid unless she displayed her legs and cleavage. She intended to look sensational in her new slinky red dress with bootlace straps and peep-toe high heels, and despite Jackie’s advice she went ahead and wore it.
As they came out of South Kensington tube station the icy wind tore at her hair. She’d put it up in a beehive the evening she met Steven, but that was an amateurish affair achieved only with endless backcombing and hair lacquer. She’d spent two hours in the hairdresser’s this time and they’d teased fat curls into a work of art, which was now being ruined. Her thin coat was no protection from the cold and her teeth began to chatter.
Chubby Checker’s ‘Let’s Twist Again’ was blaring out as they arrived at number 220 Cromwell Road. The street door was open and a group of men were carting crates of beer up the stairs.
The flat was on the second floor and to Laura’s disappointment it wasn’t the kind of elegant pied-à-terre she’d imagined, but three rather squalid rooms, and a bathroom shared with other tenants.
From the moment they walked in through the open door of the flat, Laura knew she should have followed her friend’s advice as everyone else was casually dressed in warm clothes. Roger greeted them warmly and as he took Laura’s coat he said she looked lovely, but she felt he only said so out of faint embarrassment.
Steven was busy setting up a bar, and shouted over that Roger would introduce them to everyone. It seemed the only drinks were red wine, beer or cider, none of which Laura liked,