Faith - Lesley Pearse [58]
Often as she took the tube to work she asked herself if she loved him. She could reel off plenty of reasons why she wanted to be with him – that he was handsome, had a nice car and money – yet she didn’t feel any of the heart-tugging stuff that people spoke of when they were in love. He was really quite dull, very serious and career-minded, and if Jackie wasn’t spending all her spare time with Roger, she wasn’t even sure she’d want to be with Steven. But it made her feel good having a real boyfriend, someone she could boast about at work, and she liked staying at his flat and having him fussing round her.
She felt no guilt about stealing a couple of pounds from his wallet here and there; after all, she saved him money because he rarely took her out. She often told him lies to make herself look smarter, braver or more vulnerable. She told him once that a male friend of her Aunt Mabel had tried to force her into having sex with him when she was thirteen, and that was why she was afraid of having sex with him.
But as time went on and she saw Jackie head over heels in love with Roger, and he with her, Laura began to feel aggrieved. She missed their girls’ nights in together, meeting up after work, going to the shops on a Saturday, and the family meals at Muswell Hill on a Sunday. She might still see Jackie all the time in the boys’ flat, but it wasn’t the same. Jackie was becoming like all the girls in Kensington – polished, poised and too wrapped up in Roger even to notice her best friend.
Sometimes when the pair of them burst into the flat, laughing and glowing with happiness, and disappeared into the bedroom together, Laura resented it so much she wanted to spoil things for them. They did all go out in a foursome occasionally, but even then it wasn’t much fun as Jackie and Roger spent the evening whispering together, and shutting her and Steven out.
Steven also began to lose patience with her refusal to have sex with him. He was becoming increasingly grumpy, often saying he wanted a night in on his own, and as Laura sat in her own bedsitter, imagining him going down to the pub and finding another more willing girl, she panicked.
When Roger took Jackie home to his parents for the weekend at the end of April, Laura decided that now was the right time to give in to Steven as they’d be alone in the flat. She was very nervous when she arrived straight from work on the Friday evening, but perhaps Steven sensed she was weakening as he’d changed the sheets on the bed and tidied up.
‘Why don’t you have a bath while I make us something to eat?’ he suggested. ‘I’ve got you some Babycham too, and we’ll have a cosy evening by the fire.’
No girl could have had a better lover than Steven for her first time. He caressed and played with her, kissed every part of her body, telling her how beautiful she was. By the time he did enter her, she wanted to do it as much as he did. It did hurt a bit, but not as much as she’d expected, and when it was over he said such wonderful, loving things that she cried.
In the morning it was even better, and they stayed in bed nearly all day, only getting up for food and cups of tea. They had a bath together, he washed her like a child and cuddled her dry, and to her this seemed like true love.
For six or seven weeks everything was wonderful. Steven wanted her with him all the time, and they could hardly get in the door before they ripped each other’s clothes off and leapt on one another. Laura could think of nothing but Steven; he was the centre of her world.
She would sit next to him in his car studying his profile, marvelling at the length of his eyelashes, his jutting cheekbones and the neatness of his dark hair. After sex she would smile at the tender expression in his eyes, snuggle into his arms and