False Pretenses - Kathy Herman [42]
Why didn’t she feel relieved, now that she had confessed everything to Adele? Was it because their agreement wasn’t a “done deal” until the papers were signed? Or because the man who had left her the notes still had to be dealt with? Or was it because Adele might be right, that Zoe would never be free as long as she was living a lie? What difference did it make? Hadn’t she been living with secrets for as long as she could remember? Wasn’t there a point of no return when it came to lying—a point when telling the truth would do more harm than the cover-up?
She’d imagined dozens of times how betrayed Pierce would feel if he found out she’d been lying to him from the beginning. He was a proud man. Would he be able to forgive her—ever? And what if he knew that the woman who took his name, who was going to bear his children, wasn’t Cajun after all—and that her own father had sexually abused her? What if he saw her as she had seen herself all those years—defiled and unworthy of love? Would she be left with only lies and brokenness?
Zoe blinked to clear her eyes. Hadn’t she cried enough for one day? Shouldn’t she be satisfied that Adele had agreed to let her discreetly pay back the money—and without involving the insurance company until after the debt was paid? Thirty months was a long time to be taking that kind of money out of the eatery’s income. But how many times in their marriage had Pierce even looked at the checkbook? She would just have to rely on his trusting her to handle the finances and hope she could find ways to cut expenses so the bottom line still showed a substantial increase. Wasn’t it ironic that now, when the eatery was finally making a healthy profit, she literally had to pay for her mistake?
She closed her eyes and leaned her head back on the foam bath pillow. How different might things be now if she hadn’t lied to Pierce when they were just getting to know each other. But would she, even in her most vulnerable moment, have had the courage to tell him about the abuse she suffered? Her father had stolen more than her innocence; he had stripped away her dignity and self-worth. Pierce’s love and acceptance helped to silence the taunting fear that somehow the abuse had been her fault. She couldn’t lose Pierce. She just couldn’t.
CHAPTER 13
Zoe sat at the window table at the eatery, next to Father Sam and across from Tex and Hebert. She knew the morning rush was about to hit and was grateful for a few minutes with her friends to commiserate about Remy. Not that there was much left to say. The mood was grim.
Outside, life went on as usual. Friday’s sky blazed lava pink, a gorgeous backdrop for a flock of white ibis flying just above the tree line.
On the gallery above the Coy Cajun Gift Shop, Madame Duval, dressed in a floral shift and clutching what appeared to be a coffee mug, stood at the railing between two overgrown potted plants, waving to someone on the sidewalk.
The bell jingled on the front door, and a young man came in and placed two newspapers on the counter in front of the cash register, and then left without saying anything.
Happy day, everybody! Remy’s voice echoed in her heart. Could he really be gone?
“Who’s the new guy?” Tex said. “He was here yesterday, too.”
“I don’t recognize him.” Zoe sighed. “He sure isn’t friendly.”
Father Sam patted her hand. “Maybe he’s just a temporary until the Ledger finds someone new to take Remy’s route.”
“Maybe,” Zoe said. “But I think this route was tailor-made just for Remy. I have a feeling it’ll be absorbed by one of the other route people—maybe even Mr. Congenial there. It’s depressing that our sweet, gentle Remy’s never coming back.”
Savannah brought a fresh pot of coffee to the table and poured refills all around.
“Your orders are up next,” she said. “Y’all look miserable. You’re going to have to do better than that when I bring your breakfast, or people will think I accidentally served you lemon juice instead of orange.”
No one smiled at Savannah’s attempt to lighten the mood.
Hebert blew on his coffee. “Dere’s no easy way to accept dat