Fanny and the Servant Problem [27]
notice all right.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL [they have begun to cry]. It has been so wrong and foolish of us. We have never learnt to do anything for ourselves.
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. We don't even know where our things are.
DR. FREEMANTLE. They can't all have gone--the whole twenty-three of them, at a couple of hours' notice. [To Newte] Haven't seen any of them, have you?
NEWTE. No sign of any of them downstairs.
DR. FREEMANTLE. Oh, they must be still here. Not up, I suppose. It isn't seven o'clock yet.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. But they have all been discharged. We can't ask them to do anything.
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL [to her sister]. And the Grimstones are coming to lunch with the new curate. Vernon asked them on Sunday.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. Perhaps there's something cold.
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. Vernon so dislikes a cold lunch.
DR. FREEMANTLE [to Newte]. Were you able to get hold of Vernon last night?
NEWTE. Waited up till he came in about two o'clock. Merely answered that he wasn't in a talkative mood--brushed past me and locked himself in.
DR. FREEMANTLE. He wouldn't say anything to me either. Rather a bad sign when he won't talk.
NEWTE. What's he likely to do?
DR. FREEMANTLE. Don't know. Of course it will be all over the county.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. And dear Vernon is so sensitive.
DR. FREEMANTLE. It had to come--the misfortune IS -
NEWTE. The misfortune IS that people won't keep to their own line of business. Why did he want to come fooling around her? She was doing well for herself. She could have married a man who would have thought more of her than all the damn fools in the county put together. Why couldn't he have left her alone?
DR. FREEMANTLE [he is sitting at the head of the table, between Newte on his right and the Misses Wetherell on his left. He lays his hand on Newte's sleeve--with a smile]. I'm sure you can forgive a man-- with eyes and ears in his head--for having fallen in love with her.
NEWTE. Then why doesn't he stand by her? What if her uncle is a butler? If he wasn't a fool, he'd be thanking his stars that 'twas anything half as respectable.
DR. FREEMANTLE. I'm not defending him--we're not sure yet that he needs any defence. He has married a clever, charming girl of--as you say--a better family than he'd any right to expect. The misfortune is, that--by a curious bit of ill-luck--it happens to be his own butler.
NEWTE. If she takes my advice, she'll return to the stage. No sense stopping where you're not wanted.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. But how can she?
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. You see, they're married!
DR. FREEMANTLE [to change the subject]. You'll take an egg?
Newte has been boiling some. He has just served them.
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL [rejecting it]. Thank you.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. We're not feeling hungry.
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. He was so fond of her.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. She was so pretty.
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. And so thoughtful.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. One would never have known she was an actress.
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. If only she hadn't -
Bennet has entered. Newte is at fireplace. The old ladies have their backs to the door. Dr. Freemantle, who is pouring out tea, is the first to see him. He puts down the teapot, staring. The old ladies look round. A silence. Newte turns. Bennet is again the perfect butler. Yesterday would seem to have been wiped out of his memory.
BENNET. Good morning, Miss Wetherell. Good morning, Miss Edith. [To the two men] Good morning. I was not aware that breakfast was required to be any earlier than usual, or I should have had it ready.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. We are sure you would, Bennet. But you see, under the circumstances, we--we hardly liked to trouble you.
BENNET [he goes about the room, putting things to rights. He has rung the bell. Some dead flowers he packs on to Newte's tray, the water he pours into Newte's slop-basin].
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL [they have begun to cry]. It has been so wrong and foolish of us. We have never learnt to do anything for ourselves.
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. We don't even know where our things are.
DR. FREEMANTLE. They can't all have gone--the whole twenty-three of them, at a couple of hours' notice. [To Newte] Haven't seen any of them, have you?
NEWTE. No sign of any of them downstairs.
DR. FREEMANTLE. Oh, they must be still here. Not up, I suppose. It isn't seven o'clock yet.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. But they have all been discharged. We can't ask them to do anything.
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL [to her sister]. And the Grimstones are coming to lunch with the new curate. Vernon asked them on Sunday.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. Perhaps there's something cold.
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. Vernon so dislikes a cold lunch.
DR. FREEMANTLE [to Newte]. Were you able to get hold of Vernon last night?
NEWTE. Waited up till he came in about two o'clock. Merely answered that he wasn't in a talkative mood--brushed past me and locked himself in.
DR. FREEMANTLE. He wouldn't say anything to me either. Rather a bad sign when he won't talk.
NEWTE. What's he likely to do?
DR. FREEMANTLE. Don't know. Of course it will be all over the county.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. And dear Vernon is so sensitive.
DR. FREEMANTLE. It had to come--the misfortune IS -
NEWTE. The misfortune IS that people won't keep to their own line of business. Why did he want to come fooling around her? She was doing well for herself. She could have married a man who would have thought more of her than all the damn fools in the county put together. Why couldn't he have left her alone?
DR. FREEMANTLE [he is sitting at the head of the table, between Newte on his right and the Misses Wetherell on his left. He lays his hand on Newte's sleeve--with a smile]. I'm sure you can forgive a man-- with eyes and ears in his head--for having fallen in love with her.
NEWTE. Then why doesn't he stand by her? What if her uncle is a butler? If he wasn't a fool, he'd be thanking his stars that 'twas anything half as respectable.
DR. FREEMANTLE. I'm not defending him--we're not sure yet that he needs any defence. He has married a clever, charming girl of--as you say--a better family than he'd any right to expect. The misfortune is, that--by a curious bit of ill-luck--it happens to be his own butler.
NEWTE. If she takes my advice, she'll return to the stage. No sense stopping where you're not wanted.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. But how can she?
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. You see, they're married!
DR. FREEMANTLE [to change the subject]. You'll take an egg?
Newte has been boiling some. He has just served them.
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL [rejecting it]. Thank you.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. We're not feeling hungry.
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. He was so fond of her.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. She was so pretty.
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. And so thoughtful.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. One would never have known she was an actress.
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. If only she hadn't -
Bennet has entered. Newte is at fireplace. The old ladies have their backs to the door. Dr. Freemantle, who is pouring out tea, is the first to see him. He puts down the teapot, staring. The old ladies look round. A silence. Newte turns. Bennet is again the perfect butler. Yesterday would seem to have been wiped out of his memory.
BENNET. Good morning, Miss Wetherell. Good morning, Miss Edith. [To the two men] Good morning. I was not aware that breakfast was required to be any earlier than usual, or I should have had it ready.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. We are sure you would, Bennet. But you see, under the circumstances, we--we hardly liked to trouble you.
BENNET [he goes about the room, putting things to rights. He has rung the bell. Some dead flowers he packs on to Newte's tray, the water he pours into Newte's slop-basin].