Fanny and the Servant Problem [8]
to her husband]. You see! Still the old impertinence.
FANNY. Only wanted to know. My only desire is to give satisfaction.
BENNET [he moves towards the door]. You will do it by treating the matter more seriously. At dinner, by keeping your eye upon me, you will be able to tell whether you are behaving yourself or not.
MRS. BENNET. And mind you are punctual. I have appointed Jane to be your maid.
FANNY. Jane!
MRS. BENNET [in arms]. Have you any objections?
FANNY. No, oh no, so long as you're all satisfied.
MRS. BENNET. Remember, you are no longer on the music-hall stage. In dressing for Bantock Hall you will do well to follow her advice.
Bennet, who has been waiting with the door in his hand, goes out; Mrs. Bennet follows.
JANE [in the tones of a patient executioner]. Are you ready?
FANNY. Quite ready, dear. Of course--I don't know what you will think of them--but I've only brought modern costumes with me.
JANE [not a lady who understands satire]. We must do the best we can. [She marches out--into the dressing-room.]
Fanny, after following a few steps, stops and thinks. Ernest has entered with the wood. He is piling it in the basket by the fire. His entrance decides her. She glances through the open door of the dressing-room, then flies across to the desk, seats herself, and begins feverishly to write a telegram.
FANNY. Ernie! [He comes across to her.] Have you still got your bicycle?
ERNEST. Yes.
FANNY. Could you get this telegram off for me before eight o'clock? I don't want it sent from the village; I want you to take it YOURSELF--into the town. There's a sovereign for you if you do it all right.
ERNEST. I'll do it. Can only get into a row.
FANNY. Pretty used to them, ain't you? [She has risen. She gives him the telegram. She has stamped it.] Can you read it?
ERNEST. "George P. Newte."
FANNY. Hush!
They both glance at the open door.
ERNEST [he continues in a lower voice]. "72A, Waterloo Bridge Road, London. Must see you at once. Am at the new shop." [He looks up.]
FANNY. That's all right.
ERNEST. "Come down. Q.T. Fanny."
FANNY [nods]. Get off quietly. I'll see you again -
THE VOICE OF JANE [from the dressing-room]. Are you going to keep me waiting all night?
[They start. Ernest hastily thrusts the telegram into his breast- pocket.]
FANNY. Coming, dear, coming. [To Ernest] Not a word to anyone! [She hurries him out and closes door behind him.] Merely been putting the room a bit tidy. [She is flying round collecting her outdoor garments.] Thought it would please you. So sorry if I've kept you waiting. [Jane has appeared at door.] After you, dear.
Jane goes out again. Fanny, with her pile of luggage, follows.
[CURTAIN]
ACT II
SCENE
The same.
Time.--The next morning.
The door opens. Dr. Freemantle enters, shown in by Bennet, who follows him.
DR. FREEMANTLE [talking as he enters]. Wonderful! Wonderful! I don't really think I ever remember so fine a spring.
BENNET [he is making up the fire]. I'm afraid we shall have to pay for it later on.
DR. FREEMANTLE. I expect so. Law of the universe, you know, Bennet- -law of the universe. Everything in this world has got to be paid for.
BENNET. Except trouble. [The doctor laughs.] The Times? [He hands it to him.]
DR. FREEMANTLE. Thanks. Thanks. [Seats himself.] Won't be long-- his lordship, will he?
BENNET. I don't think so. I told him you would be here about eleven.
DR. FREEMANTLE. Um--what do you think of her?
BENNET. Of--of her ladyship?
DR. FREEMANTLE. What's she like?
BENNET. [They have sunk their voices.] Well, it might have been worse.
DR. FREEMANTLE. Ah! There's always that consolation, isn't there?
BENNET. I think her ladyship--with MANAGEMENT--may turn out very satisfactory.
DR. FREEMANTLE. You like her?
BENNET. At present, I must say for her, she appears willing to be taught.
DR. FREEMANTLE. And you think it will last?
BENNET. I think
FANNY. Only wanted to know. My only desire is to give satisfaction.
BENNET [he moves towards the door]. You will do it by treating the matter more seriously. At dinner, by keeping your eye upon me, you will be able to tell whether you are behaving yourself or not.
MRS. BENNET. And mind you are punctual. I have appointed Jane to be your maid.
FANNY. Jane!
MRS. BENNET [in arms]. Have you any objections?
FANNY. No, oh no, so long as you're all satisfied.
MRS. BENNET. Remember, you are no longer on the music-hall stage. In dressing for Bantock Hall you will do well to follow her advice.
Bennet, who has been waiting with the door in his hand, goes out; Mrs. Bennet follows.
JANE [in the tones of a patient executioner]. Are you ready?
FANNY. Quite ready, dear. Of course--I don't know what you will think of them--but I've only brought modern costumes with me.
JANE [not a lady who understands satire]. We must do the best we can. [She marches out--into the dressing-room.]
Fanny, after following a few steps, stops and thinks. Ernest has entered with the wood. He is piling it in the basket by the fire. His entrance decides her. She glances through the open door of the dressing-room, then flies across to the desk, seats herself, and begins feverishly to write a telegram.
FANNY. Ernie! [He comes across to her.] Have you still got your bicycle?
ERNEST. Yes.
FANNY. Could you get this telegram off for me before eight o'clock? I don't want it sent from the village; I want you to take it YOURSELF--into the town. There's a sovereign for you if you do it all right.
ERNEST. I'll do it. Can only get into a row.
FANNY. Pretty used to them, ain't you? [She has risen. She gives him the telegram. She has stamped it.] Can you read it?
ERNEST. "George P. Newte."
FANNY. Hush!
They both glance at the open door.
ERNEST [he continues in a lower voice]. "72A, Waterloo Bridge Road, London. Must see you at once. Am at the new shop." [He looks up.]
FANNY. That's all right.
ERNEST. "Come down. Q.T. Fanny."
FANNY [nods]. Get off quietly. I'll see you again -
THE VOICE OF JANE [from the dressing-room]. Are you going to keep me waiting all night?
[They start. Ernest hastily thrusts the telegram into his breast- pocket.]
FANNY. Coming, dear, coming. [To Ernest] Not a word to anyone! [She hurries him out and closes door behind him.] Merely been putting the room a bit tidy. [She is flying round collecting her outdoor garments.] Thought it would please you. So sorry if I've kept you waiting. [Jane has appeared at door.] After you, dear.
Jane goes out again. Fanny, with her pile of luggage, follows.
[CURTAIN]
ACT II
SCENE
The same.
Time.--The next morning.
The door opens. Dr. Freemantle enters, shown in by Bennet, who follows him.
DR. FREEMANTLE [talking as he enters]. Wonderful! Wonderful! I don't really think I ever remember so fine a spring.
BENNET [he is making up the fire]. I'm afraid we shall have to pay for it later on.
DR. FREEMANTLE. I expect so. Law of the universe, you know, Bennet- -law of the universe. Everything in this world has got to be paid for.
BENNET. Except trouble. [The doctor laughs.] The Times? [He hands it to him.]
DR. FREEMANTLE. Thanks. Thanks. [Seats himself.] Won't be long-- his lordship, will he?
BENNET. I don't think so. I told him you would be here about eleven.
DR. FREEMANTLE. Um--what do you think of her?
BENNET. Of--of her ladyship?
DR. FREEMANTLE. What's she like?
BENNET. [They have sunk their voices.] Well, it might have been worse.
DR. FREEMANTLE. Ah! There's always that consolation, isn't there?
BENNET. I think her ladyship--with MANAGEMENT--may turn out very satisfactory.
DR. FREEMANTLE. You like her?
BENNET. At present, I must say for her, she appears willing to be taught.
DR. FREEMANTLE. And you think it will last?
BENNET. I think