Fearless Fourteen - Janet Evanovich [48]
“Yeah, dude, isn’t that a bummer? Where’s the justice? I mean, where’s the incentive for the little businessman?”
“I think you should open a nudie bar for women,” Grandma said. “There’s lots of bars for men where they can see naked women, but there’s no place us women can go to see ding dongs.”
“I dig it,” Mooner said. “You want private parts parity. Far out.”
My mother chugged the rest of her whiskey.
Morelli was slouched back in his chair, taking it all in. He draped an arm across my shoulders and whispered into my ear. “Do women really want to see ding dongs?”
“Yeah,” I said, “as long as they don’t have to touch them.”
“Is it sexual?”
“No. Morbid curiosity.”
“How about mine?” he asked.
“Yours is definitely sexual . . . and touchable.”
He nuzzled my neck. “Can we go home now?”
“No!”
“Why not?”
“We haven’t had dessert. And besides, I feel funny shazaming with Zook in the house.”
“We could shazam in the garage.”
“I don’t think so.”
“The SUV?”
“No!”
“I’m becoming more motivated to find Loretta,” Morelli said.
THIRTEEN
IT WAS A little after eight when Morelli pulled to the curb in front of his house. A small crowd was gathered on the sidewalk, watching two men dig in Morelli’s tiny front yard. Morelli got out of his car and joined the onlookers.
“Excuse me,” Morelli said to the guys digging. “What are you doing?”
“Digging,” the one guy said.
“This is private property,” Morelli said.
“What?”
“Private property.”
“I think there’s something about digging,” the guy said. “Like people only own the top of the property.”
“I think you’re wrong,” Morelli said.
The guy kept digging. “And why would I give a rat’s ass what you think?”
“Because I own this house, and if you don’t stop digging, I’m going to have you arrested for destruction of personal property.”
“Look at me—I’m so scared,” the guy said. “Call the cops. Call the cops on me.”
Morelli badged him. “I am the cops.”
The guy looked at Morelli’s badge. “Oh. Sorry.”
Everyone dispersed after that, and Morelli, Zook, Mooner, Gary, and I trooped into the house. Morelli walked straight through and swore when he looked out his back window. His backyard was filled with people digging, and his garage door was open.
“This is unbelievable,” Morelli said.
“Dude,” Mooner said. “You should sell tickets. Like, it would be a hundred dollars to dig for a half hour. We could be, like, rich, dude.”
Morelli walked out his back door, unholstered his gun, fired a shot into the ground, and the diggers scattered like roaches when the light goes on. He crossed the yard to his garage and returned with a roll of yellow crime scene tape.
“Do you think that’s going to help?” I asked him.
“It’s worth a try.”
Ten minutes later, Morelli’s entire property was behind the yellow tape. Zook, Mooner, and Gary were in the living room making deals with the wood elves, and Morelli and I were sitting out on the back stoop, watching Bob sniff around the holes in his yard.
“I’m going to have to jackhammer my basement,” Morelli said. “This isn’t going to stop until we find the money.”
“If we found the money, Loretta might even turn up.”
“I wouldn’t count on it. I think Dom did the time and figured he didn’t owe his partners anything. Problem was, for whatever reason, Dom couldn’t put his hands on the money right away.”
“Maybe because it was buried in Rose’s basement and you came along and inherited the house and poured concrete down there.”
“Yeah. And it keeps getting worse. Dom’s nephew is living in this house, so he can’t just blow it up, and thanks to the early news, half of Trenton is on a nine-million-dollar scavenger hunt.”
“And Loretta?”
“I’m guessing Loretta is being held hostage by one or both of the partners until Dom forks over the money. I’d feel a lot better if we could get to her before the money is found. There’s no guarantee she won’t be disposed of the instant she’s no longer useful.”
“We need to get Dom,” I said. “He can take us to the other two partners.”
“Any ideas?”
“I’m sure he’s worried about his nephew. He hates the thought that Zook