Fearless Fourteen - Janet Evanovich [63]
“Someone pitched a brick through your living room window. And attached to the brick was a box with your name on it.”
“Is this for real?”
“Yep.”
“Put the brick and the box in the garage. Don’t leave it in the house. Better to blow up the garage than the house.”
“Do you think it’s a bomb?”
“I think it doesn’t hurt to be careful. I’ll deal with it when I’m done here,” Morelli said. “And I’ll call Mooch and get him to replace the glass. And I’ll make arrangements to have an alarm system installed.”
I disconnected and stared at the box. I was faced with a dilemma. Gary was living in the garage. I didn’t want to explode Gary. No big deal, I thought. Just ask Gary to pull his camper out of the garage.
The doorbell chimed, the door opened and closed, and I heard Lula ask for me.
“I’m upstairs,” I yelled at her. “Come on up.”
Lula was dressed down. Running shoes, black stretch yoga pants, and a black stretch T-shirt that looked like it was going to burst at the seams.
“What’s the occasion?” I asked her.
“I went to try some wedding gowns yesterday, and it was a depressing experience. First off, they only had itty-bitty sizes for those skinny bitches. Like us big and beautiful women don’t get married? And then they said they were gonna have to charge extra on account of they were gonna have to order so much material. What the heck is that about? It’s not like I’m getting a circus tent. So anyway, I decided I’d join a gym. I figure with the money I save on less material, I could pay for the membership.”
“That’s a terrific idea. I should do something like that. What gym did you join?”
“I didn’t exactly join a gym yet. I just got the clothes.”
“It’s a start,” I said to Lula.
“Damn right,” Lula said. “What’s this package with Morelli’s name on it? And why’s it on a brick?”
“Someone pitched it through his living room window just now.”
“Get the heck out. What are you going to do with it?”
“Morelli wants me to put it in the garage for safe keeping until he gets home later today.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Lula picked the box up and tested its weight. “It could be something important that requires immediate attention. I think you should open this sucker.”
“It could be a bomb.”
“Okay then, let Gary open it.”
I did an eye roll.
“Nothing wrong with that,” Lula said. “He’s always saying how he knows things. Let’s see if he knows it’s a bomb. Anyway, it don’t look like a bomb.”
“It’s all wrapped up. How could you tell?”
“Well, if it was a bomb, it would be a little one.”
I heard Bob jump off the bed and head down the stairs.
“I need to get the glass cleaned up before Bob steps in it,” I told Lula. “Put the box down and look up some gyms in the phone book and we’ll check some out.”
Five minutes later, I walked back into Morelli’s office and found Lula unwrapping the box.
“It’s not a bomb,” Lula said. “There’s a note in here and something all wrapped up.” She handed me the note.
“That was addressed to Morelli,” I said to her.
“Yeah, but I didn’t want him to get hisself all blown up. Besides, I kicked the box around some and nothing happened, so I figured it was safe.”
I unfolded the piece of paper and read the printed message.
I KNOW YOU HAVE THE MONEY. GIVE ME THE MONEY AND I’LL GIVE YOU LORETTA. JUST SO YOU KNOW I’M SERIOUS I’M ENCLOSING A PRESENT. EVERY DAY I DON’T GET THE MONEY YOU’LL GET ANOTHER PRESENT. HANG A RED SCARF IN THE UPSTAIRS WINDOW WHEN YOU WANT TO MAKE A DEAL.
“I like getting presents,” Lula said, “but this one don’t smell too good.”
I had a bad feeling about this present. I carefully peeled away the tissue paper, and we stared at a pinkie toe with red toenail polish.
“Good pedicure,” Lula said.
I clapped a hand over my mouth and told myself I wasn’t going to throw up. I was sweating at my hairline and little black dots were floating in front of my eyes. They’d chopped off one of Loretta’s toes, and they were going to keep chopping until they got their money.
“Maybe we should