Feet of Clay - Terry Pratchett [58]
Now, chin on his hands, he watched the fog.
The clouds had settled somewhat so that up here, six stories above the streets, it was possible to believe you were on a beach at the edge of a cold, moonlit sea. The occasional tall tower or steeple rose out of the clouds, but all sounds were muffled and pulled in on themselves. Midnight came and went.
Constable Downspout watched, and thought about pigeons.
Constable Downspout had very few desires in life, and almost all of them involved pigeons.
A group of figures lurched, staggered, or in one case rolled through the fog like the Four Horsemen of a small Apocalypse. One had a duck, on his head, and because he was almost entirely sane except for this one strange particular he was known as the Duck Man. One coughed and expectorated repeatedly, and hence was called Coffin Henry. One, a legless man on a small wheeled trolley, was for no apparent reason called Arnold Sideways. And the fourth, for some very good reasons indeed, was Foul Ole Ron.
Ron had a small grayish-brown, torn-eared terrier on the end of a string, although in truth it would be hard for an observer to know exactly who was leading whom and who, when push came to shove, would be the one to fold at the knees if the other one shouted “Sit!” Because, although trained canines as aids for those bereft of sight, and even of hearing, have frequently been used throughout the universe, Foul Ole Ron was the first person ever to own a Thinking-Brain Dog.
The beggars, led by the dog, were heading for the dark arch of Misbegot Bridge, which they called Home. At least, one of them called it “Home”; the others respectively called it “Haaawrk haaawrk HRRaawrk ptui!”, “Heheheh! Whoops!”, and “Buggrit, millennium hand and shrimp!”
As they stumbled along the riverside they passed a can from hand to hand, drinking appreciatively and occasionally belching.
The dog stopped. The beggars shunted to a halt behind it.
A figure came towards them along the riverside.
“Ye gods!”
“Ptui!”
“Whoops!”
Buggrit?”
The beggars flung themselves against the wall as the pale figure lurched past. It was clutching at its head as if trying to lift itself off the ground by its ears, and then occasionally banging its head against nearby buildings.
While they watched, it pulled a metal mooring post out of the cobbles and started to hit itself over the head. Eventually the cast iron shattered.
The figure dropped the stub, flung back its head, opened a mouth from which red light spilled, and roared like a bull in distress. Then it staggered on into the darkness.
“There’s that golem again,” said the Duck Man. “The white one.”
“Heheh, I gets heads like that myself, some mornings,” said Arnold Sideways.
“I knows about golems,” said Coffin Henry, spitting expertly and hitting a beetle climbing the wall twenty feet away. “They ain’t s’posed to have a voice.”
“Buggrit,” said Foul Ole Ron. “Dang the twigger f’r’a bang at the fusel, and shrimp, ’cos the worm’s on the other boot! See if he don’t.”
“He meant it’s the same one we saw the other day,” said the dog. “After that ole priest got topped.”
“Do you think we should tell someone?” said the Duck Man.
The dog shook its head. “Nah,” it said. “We got a cushy number down here, no sense in spoiling it.”
The five of them staggered on into the damp shadows.
“I hate bloody golems, takin’ our jobs…”
“We ain’t got jobs.”
“See what I mean?”
“What’s for supper?”
“Mud and ole boots. HRRaawrk ptui!”
“Millennium hand and shrimp, I sez.”
“’M glad I’ve got a voice. I can speak up for myself.”
“It’s time you fed your duck.”
“What duck?”
The fog glowed and sizzled around Five and Seven Yard. Flames roared up and all but set the thick clouds alight. Spitting liquid iron cooled in its moulds. Hammers rang out around the workshops. The ironmasters didn’t work by the clock, but by the more demanding physics