Fima - Amos Oz [86]
Annette said:
"That's enough. Stop it. You're making me cry again. You've helped me so much, Fima; you're such a good listener, you've got so much understanding and empathy. I don't think any man in the whole world has ever listened to me the way you did. And I was so weird, so selfish, so absorbed in my own problems. I'm sorry I hurt your feelings."
She added that she had always been a great believer in dreams. It was a fact that that very night, when Fima was dreaming of her, Yen had really called from Milan. He sounded a bit low. He said he had no idea what would happen, that time would tell, and she should try not to hate him.
"Time..." Fima began, but Annette laid her hand over his mouth.
"Let's not talk. We talked enough the other night. Let's just sit quietly for a minute or two, and then I'll be on my way. I've got a million and one things to do in town. But I like being near you."
They were silent. Fima sat on the arm of her chair, his own arm barely touching her shoulder, ashamed of the mess, the long-sleeved undershirt thrown over the sofa, the bottom drawer he had not closed last night, the empty coffee cups on the desk, the newspapers everywhere. He mentally cursed the stirrings of desire, and swore to himself that this time his behavior would be above reproach.
Annette said, thoughtfully, to herself rather than to him:
"I have wronged you."
These words almost brought tears to his eyes. Ever since he was a child, he had felt sweetness and joy whenever a grownup said things like that to him. He had difficulty resisting the urge to go down on his knees before her, exactly like her husband in his dream. Although, to be strictly accurate, it had not been in a dream but in his thoughts this morning. But he saw no difference.
"I have some good news for you," he said. "I've got your earring. I found it on the very armchair you're sitting in. I'm such an idiot: when I opened my eyes this morning, in the first glimmer of dawn, I thought it was a glowworm that had forgotten to switch itself off."
Emboldened, he added:
"You know, I'm an extortioner. I won't let you have it back for nothing."
Annette burst out laughing. She went on laughing while he leaned over her. Pulling him toward her by his hair, she kissed the tip of his nose, as though he were a baby.
"Will that do? Can I have my earring back now?"
Fima said:
"That's more than I deserve. You've got some change coming."
And to his own astonishment he suddenly clasped her knees and dragged her body down to the floor, desperately dizzy with lust, not stopping for her clothes but forcing his way blindly, with a sleepwalker's confidence, thrusting into her almost at once, feeling as though it was not his penis but his whole being that was being enfolded and dissolved in her womb. He ejaculated with a roar. When he finally surfaced again, feeling drained and as weightless as a sunbeam, as if he had left his bodily mass inside her, he was horror-struck at the realization of how he had degraded both himself and her yet again. He knew that this time he had shattered it all forever. Then Annette began slowly, tenderly stroking his head and neck, until he shuddered deliciously and his skin quivered.
"The Tearful Rapist," she said.
And she whispered to him:
"Hush, child."
And again she asked if there was any vodka. For some reason Fima was afraid she might be chilly. Clumsily he attempted to rearrange her clothing. And tried to say something. But once again she hastily placed her hand over his mouth, and said:
"Quiet now, little