Final Analysis - Catherine Crier [77]
While the trio appeared to avoid major confrontation for the remainder of the journey, returning home proved no easy task. “Came home to tension and messes left by Felix for me to clean up,” Susan’s entry of July 9 began. “The man seems to thrive on it. Have resolved to go through with divorce. Can’t stand lifestyle with him. Too depressing. F. oozes depression out of every pore. Adam’s comment: ‘Dad is depressed. He’s always been depressed.’ Little by little, it eats away at us all.”
On July 12, Susan recorded the details of her meeting with a divorce attorney, Dan Ryan, whom she described as “a self styled ‘tough Irishman.’” She had been without legal representation since May 1, 2001, when she fired her divorce lawyer because she was dissatisfied with his representation. At the meeting, Ryan informed Susan that she would have to go through a custody evaluation if she intended to fight for the kids.
In addition to meeting with Ryan, Susan also met with a therapist named Heidi Leslie on that July day. “I had lots to talk about by the time I got inside…. The therapist was kept very busy ahhhing, yesssssing, andmmmmming, by the virtually incessant stream of descriptive prose, which issued from me as if the plug had been pulled…. Why is it that at the oddest moments, the phrase ‘butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth,’ just seems to pop into my head? Well, butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth. How is it that human beings become so inhuman?”
Moving on, Susan wrote, “Last night, Felix was in fine fettle. How did he put it? ‘Someone should do you a favor and just kill you.’ And Leslie [the therapist] wanted to know if I was afraid; if I believed I was in danger.”
One week later, on July 18, Susan informed Felix of her intention to take the children to live out of state. “F. went crazy…. Yelled at G. and E. that if they chose to live with me, they were not his sons. Threatened he wouldn’t support me, and then that he wouldn’t support them.” Susan explained that she wanted to get away from the congestion in the Bay Area and purchase or rent a ski house in Wyoming or Idaho “in order to live a more relaxed peaceful lifestyle, ski, hike, and just enjoy the outdoors.”
Later on, she discussed the issue of physical custody of the children. She was sure Felix would insist on joint custody whether the boys wanted to live with him or not. It would be his way of preventing her from moving the boys out of state.
“F. yelled I had brainwashed the boys, and that if we left, we would get no support from him.” She described how Felix tried to divide the boys, first attacking Eli, telling his middle son that he didn’t care what he thought, was more interested in Gabriel’s feelings, and was not convinced that Gabe was really all that enthused about moving to Montana.
Susan pointed out that Felix had allowed his first wife to take their daughter, Jennifer, to live in Illinois when she was sixteen. “He said that was different because I’m crazy and Sharon wasn’t. The boys then pointed out that F. had told them that Sharon was crazy many times….
“F. finally blew his stack and threw things at me and Gabe (a bowl of maccaroni [sic] and cheese, spoons, cups), then walked over and kicked the big screen T.V. which cost $5,000 after overturning an antique mission oak chair valued at over $2,500….
“Adam came home and suggested F. go out for a drink. Said it was time for our marriage to end as some marriages do…. Asked me if he could visit me in Wyoming or Idaho. I said of course. F. accused Adam of making fun of him and stormed off. Sounded very paranoid himself after having accused Eli of being delusional and paranoid earlier.
“Adam said he was worried about me and Gabe, felt we were not safe with F. while he was so angry.”
The incidents on July 18 set off a chain reaction in Susan as she began researching life