Final Analysis - Catherine Crier [80]
On February 26, Susan typed what appeared to be a suicide note to her sons that seemed more an introductory lesson in how to invest in real estate—counseling them to consult an attorney before taking any major steps and urging them not to have any rental properties in low-income areas:
Dear Boys
I want to leave you with an explanation for my actions so that you do not make the mistake of blaming yourselves for what has happened.
In the letter, Susan reiterated the abuse she suffered as a child and the abuse she suffered by their father when she was a girl:
I married your father believing that I was in love with him. From time to time, it seemed as if I had forgotten something, and I would begin to remember what he had done, as well as the horror of my childhood that I had put away….
After years of being blamed for every mishap in our lives, after threats to take you away from me and have me confined to a mental hospital, I attempted suicide last year believing that perhaps your dad could do what he threatened to do….
Susan reassured her sons that she loved and admired them, noting their many talents and attributes:
The series of misfortunes that have dogged our lives just leaves me tired…. It is through no fault of yours that I have decided to give up. I just need to rest.
In wanting to leave her children with some guidance after her death, Susan outlined some advice they could follow:
Marry wisely.
Don’t spend all the money I leave you. Money is freedom to a certain degree although it also brings responsibilities.
Never relax your guard.
If anyone offers to include you in any get rich quick or quicker schemes, say NO….
Do not invest in real estate partnerships…
…but choose carefully. Avoid low-income areas for rental property.
Hold onto the rental properties, which you have.
Consult an attorney about rent laws….
Be extra careful in Berkeley….
Forsake violence.
Do not follow your father’s example, or anyone else’s for that matter.
Drugs and alcohol cloud your good judgment.
So do your emotions. Make your decisions when you have calmed down, but be flexible….
DO NOT BE SUGGESTIBLE….
You are inheriting enough to last you the rest of your lives if you don’t spend it all when you get it…. Don’t touch your investments….
I leave you all of my love. Find good homes for the dogs. You can’t take them with you, and they won’t want to go where I’m going.
Despite the letter’s pessimistic tone, Susan was aggressively pursuing the divorce. She contacted Felix’s lawyer with solutions to their divorce settlement. While there is no indication that Felix agreed to her terms, Susan’s entries remained upbeat as she wrote of the vast improvements to their lives since they returned from Montana and Felix moved out of the house.
“So much has changed in the last few months…we returned to Orinda, booted Felix out, and began having the time of our lives. Eli got off of drugs. Gabe worked hard in school. And we all had fun together. Then Dad happened. He filed for custody.”
Detailing the unfortunate turn of events, Susan discussed Eli’s arrest in late February for hitting a boy, an action which landed him in juvenile hall. “He [Eli] was placed under a program called ‘home supervision.’ He wears an electronic monitoring device on his ankle. He has to get permission from ‘peace officers’ at juvenile hall to leave his dad’s cottage.”
Susan noted that Eli was sleeping on the couch of Felix’s one-bedroom apartment in downtown Berkeley. But the arrangement was not working out.
Susan acknowledged that she was accused of being in contempt of court with regard to Eli’s court case, and, sentenced to five days in jail, “The judge gave me a few days to think about it. I did, and still I refused. Eli continued to come over, and finally just began to live at home again.”
Her diary continued, “When Eli was arrested, I made an offer to F’s attorney to settle our differences by leaving the country and relinquishing custody of the children…. I would not