Fire Dragon - Katharine Kerr [73]
Bellyra lay on her bed, propped up on pillows, and allowed Nevyn and Elyssa to fuss over her. She listened to Nevyn's talk of finding inner strength, smiled when Elyssa announced that they'd all have a more comfortable life in Cerrmor, and in general pretended that their concern was healing the wounds Maryn had given her. That she acted out lies no longer mattered. Nothing mattered anymore. Their talk went on and on, while the shutters banged at the windows and rain fell. Elyssa hurried around lighting candles. It had grown dark outside.
The nursemaid brought in the children. Bellyra kissed all three and told them she loved them—another lie. The sight of them, little Maryns, all of them, with their pale hair and little grey eyes, made her want to scream with rage. Even the newly named Prince Gwardon, so helpless in his little red blanket— perhaps she hated him most of all. That Maryn would keep the children but send her away—it was unbearable. Every decent woman in Deverry would pity her; the malicious would gloat.
The nursemaid took the children out again. Bellyra lay in a pool of candlelight and listened to the rain.
“It's slacking a bit,” she said.
“The storm's moving fast, Your Highness,” Nevyn said. “No doubt it will clear by the morning.”
“Ah. You know, you could go about your evening. I'll be fine; you don't need to sit with me.”
“There's nowhere I'd rather be than here.”
They talked some more, Elyssa and Nevyn, talked and talked till Bellyra felt like ordering them away. At moments she thought they were about to mention Maddyn, but one or the other would abruptly change the subject. Finally Nevyn stood up and stretched, yawning.
“Well, I had best be off,” Nevyn said. “I'm leaving herbs here with Elyssa. They'll help you sleep. You look exhausted, and I for one don't blame you one bit.”
Bellyra nodded and smiled. She felt as if she were playing with a doll, as if she stood beside her body and moved its head and flapped its arms while she pretended it was alive.
“I'll be back later,” Nevyn continued. “Just to see how you're bearing up.”
“My thanks,” Bellyra said.
When he left, Elyssa walked him to the door. Bellyra could hear them murmuring incomprehensibly, talking about her, no doubt. It was a pity she was worrying them so, but then, the worry would end soon. Packed off to Cerrmor like a chest of unwanted clothes—she could not, she would not bear it. For one moment the idea came to her that if she did return to Cerrmor, Maddyn might follow at a decent interval, but immediately she thought of the gossip. It would reach Maryn, and then he would know that he'd been right to send her away.
Wearing a fixed smile, Elyssa returned to the bedchamber. She pulled up a high stool to sit at the bedside.
“Are you really glad to be going back to Cerrmor?” Bellyra said.
“I'd be glad if only you were happy about it.”
“Instead of shamed like this?”
“It's his shame, not yours, that he'd treat you this way.”
“Then why do I feel it? A cast-off woman, that's what I am. Oh, I know that Maryn's talked of recall. Do you truly think he'll ever want me back? It was noble of little Lilli to end their affair, but he'll find another lass, and another after that. He always does. He has his legitimate heirs now. What would he want with a mare too galled to ride?”
“Oh, don't, Lyrra! Stop it!”
“What? Don't you think it's true?”
“What? The mistresses? Of course it's true spoken, but he'll want you back. He needs your good sense. I hate to see you vexing yourself this way.”
Bellyra shrugged and considered the bed hangings. Little red wyverns flew on one side, while the ships of Cerrmor still sailed on the other.
“I never finished the new hangings,” Bellyra said. “Oh well, his new mistress can finish the sewing. She's the one who'll be sleeping in this bed.”
Elyssa made the choking sound of someone trying to stifle tears.
“Do you remember what they called me when we were