First They Killed My Father_ A Daughter of Cambodia Remembers - Loung Ung [13]
“Chou, I wonder what happened to our cats.”
“Don’t worry about them.”
We had five cats in Phnom Penh. Even though we say they were our cats, we had no real claim to them. We didn’t even have names for them. They came to our house when they were hungry and left when they were bored.
“Well, somebody is probably having them for dinner by now,” Kim teases us when we ask him. We all laugh and scold him for saying such a thing. Cambodians do not generally eat cats and dogs. There are specialty stores where they sell dog meat but at a very expensive price. It is a delicacy. The elders say that eating dog meat increases body heat, thus increasing energy, but you shouldn’t eat too much of it or your body will burn up and combust.
That night, Ma tucks me in on the back of the truck. While Chou, Geak and I sleep with her on the truck, the older kids sleep on the ground with Pa. It is a warm and breezy night, the kind that requires no blankets. I love sleeping outside with the stars. My imagination is captured by the bright shining light, but I don’t understand the vastness of the sky. Every time I try to wrap my mind around the concept of the universe, my mind spins as if caught in a whirlpool of information I will never be able to understand.
“Chou, the sky is so big!”
“Shhh. I am trying to sleep.”
“Look at the stars. They are so beautiful and they are winking at us. I wish I was up there with them and the angels.”
“That’s nice, now go to sleep.”
“You know the stars are candles in the sky. Every evening, the angels come out and light them for us, so if we lose our way, we can still see.”
Pa has told me in the past that I am blessed with a gifted imagination and he likes the stories I tell.
When I awaken in the morning, my siblings are already up. They were awakened by gunshots fired into the distant sky by the Khmer Rouge, but I was so tired I slept through it. My siblings all have gray pouches under their eyes; their hair is knotted and sticking out in many directions. Slowly, I sit up and stretch out my sore shoulders and back. Sleeping in the truck is not as much fun as I thought it would be. Before long, a group of Khmer Rouge soldiers come by and yell at us to keep moving.
After a small breakfast of rice and salted eggs, we get back in our truck and take off again. We drive for many hours and everywhere we go we see people walking in all directions. The sun is high and hot on our backs. It burns through my black hair as little beads of water collect around my hairline and on the curve of my upper lip. After a while, we all get on each other’s nerves and start to fight.
“It’s not much farther, kids. We’re almost there,” Pa tells us when we stop to have our lunch. “Soon we will be where it is safe.”
As Ma and Keav prepare our meal, Pa and Meng disappear to gather firewood. When they return, Pa tells Khouy that it is a good thing that we got out of the city as quickly as we did. He says the people he just talked to told him that the soldiers made everyone leave the city. They emptied schools, restaurants, and hospitals. The soldiers even forced the sick to leave. They were not allowed to go home first to their families so many people are separated.
“Many old and sick people did not make it today,” Khouy offers grimly. “I saw them on the side of the streets still in their bloody hospital robes. Some were walking and others were pushed in carts or hospital beds by their relatives.”
Now I understand why Keav kept wrapping the scarf around my head, telling me to keep my head down, to not peer above the truck’s sides.
“The soldiers walked around the neighborhood, knocking on all the doors, telling people to leave. Those who refused were shot dead right on their doorsteps.” Pa shakes his head.
“Why are they doing this, Pa?” Kim asks.
“Because they are destroyers of things.”
Chou and Kim look at each other and I sit there feeling lost and afraid.
“I don’t understand. What