First They Killed My Father_ A Daughter of Cambodia Remembers - Loung Ung [88]
After we eat more of our chicken, Chou spreads one blanket on the grass and I roll up the scarves to use as pillows. We have settled in the middle of an open field that sits at the edge of a forest.
“The open field,” one man says, “is safe from the Youns’ crushing monster.”
“Met Pou,” I ask a comrade uncle curiously, “what is this crushing monster?”
“You don’t know?” he asks, incredulous. I shake my head in reply. “No one has actually seen it, but they say it is like a wild monster and nothing can destroy it. It is part machine, part man, but very evil. It is bigger than a hut and can shoot out flames and bombs. It has many wheels for legs and rolls across the land like thunder, destroying everything in its path. It can smash trees, rocks, metal, everything. Nothing can destroy it!”
My eyes open wide as I learn of this evil machine, wondering if it is sitting in the woods waiting for us.
“So it is safer for us to be in the open so we can see it approaching and run out of its way?” I ask as my knees go weak and my imagination creates images of the crushing monster chasing after us.
“Chou, let’s move into the middle of the crowd,” I plead with her as I grab her hand. Kim frowns at us as we repack our bundles and get ready to move.
“It’s not a monster. That man does not know what he is talking about. He is a farmer who’s never left his village until now and probably has never even seen a car, so he wouldn’t know what a tank looks like. It’s a huge machine that a man drives like a car.” He tries to reassure us but it does not work.
“Does it roll over trees, houses, and metal? Does it destroy everything in its path?” I question him.
“Yes, but—”
“Does it shoot out fire and bombs?”
“Yes, but … all right, we’ll move.” Kim sighs and picks up his bags. Making our way into the maze of many thousands of people, we move to a spot in the middle of the crowd and set up for the night.
“Now we won’t be the first one to get crushed by the monster,” I say and Chou nods in agreement. Kim smiles and shakes his head, dropping his bags to the ground. Chou spreads out our blanket again and lies down. With her in the middle, Kim and I huddle closely on either side of her. Kim hooks the backpack through his arms while I do the same to my bundle. We pull another blanket over us.
The ground is cold, but I am warmed by Chou’s body heat. All around us people are sleeping, eating, or setting up their areas. I look over to the side and watch a family sitting together, eating their meal. It is a family of five, parents with three boys, from perhaps five to ten years old. The father scoops rice and hands it over to his youngest child first, then he does the same for the others. The mother reaches over and wipes the child’s nose with her fingers, then quickly wipes her hand on her skirt. While they eat, the father’s eyes watch over his family and their belongings.
I turn away and look at the sky as tears roll out the corners of my eyes. “Oh Pa, I miss you,” I tell him in my head. The sky is dark and silvery; it fills with a few gray wispy clouds and countless twinkling stars. I stare at the clouds and envision Pa’s facing looking down at me. “Where are the angels, Pa?” I ask him. All of a sudden, the clouds pull together, forming many tight balls. Quickly, these balls begin taking the shape of skulls. They hover over me, these cloud-skulls, glaring at me with their invisible eyes. My breath quickens and my chest tightens, and I force my eyes to look away. I focus on my arm, and my heart races when I see grass growing out off my flesh. Like the hair on my arm, the grass pokes easily out of my skin like needles through paper, growing taller and taller. Then my flesh melts, and my skin sinks into the ground. In slow motion,