Flashback - Diane Carey [33]
But suddenly he was afraid, wishing she were just an ordinary girl with nothing funny going on.
"Can we," he began, searching for a word, "turn it off?"
The Doctor seemed troubled about that, and looked from Kes to the unconscious Tuvok once again.
"I don't know," he said finally. "We certainly have no science that can abort a telepathic connection. I must be brutally honest with you-I have little hope for Tuvok. His brain isn't reacting well to these episodes or even to the mind-meld therapy the captain is involved with. I have no confidence in this kind of thing. Tuvok's mind is going through some
kind of degeneration. What concerns me is that he could take Kes with him."
He looked now at Kes, who seemed to sleep somewhat fitfully under the effects of the sedative.
Watching the Doctor, Neelix found the brutal honesty quite understandable, given that the Doctor was basically a computer compilation of many doctors, but still a computer. He experienced a flash of respect for the Alpha Quadrant people who had built such a machine. They hadn't programmed much of a bedside manner into the Doctor, but he clearly didn't agree with what the captain was doing.
How could "just" a computer think that way?
And somehow this incredible holographic program had been infused with enough . . . what was the word? Humanity? Enough humanity that regret appeared on his face as he gazed down at Kes.
Kes was so precious to Neelix, and now Neelix realized she was precious to the Doctor too. He believed the Doctor's expression, because he couldn't believe the program would be so subtle as to put regret on the Doctor's face just for show. Those clever people had managed to create a computer he would swear was alive.
And Neelix had seen the Doctor treat others, even others who died. He hadn't seen the same kind of concern on the Doctor's face for those others. But Kes was the Doctor's assistant, his pupil, his only constant company. Faced with losing Kes, the Doctor was really worried about her.
Now he could see why Kes talked about the Doctor as she did, as if he were a real person. All this
time, Neelix had felt bad that Kes spent most of her time down here in the sterility of sickbay, with only a computer for company, while he himself was up in the galley, mingling with the living crew. He had always imagined she was lonely.
Perhaps she wasn't lonely after all. Perhaps she was the cure for loneliness.
"So the question is whether to leave her sedated or not?" he asked, trying to understand.
"Yes," the Doctor said. "Leaving her sedated may ease the physical trauma, or it may enhance it by taking away her conscious ability to fight the visions. She might actually become too saturated if there is no reality to which she can cling."
"That sounds good to me," Neelix said with a snap of his fingers. "Kes should have part in the decision. If it were me, I would want to be awake and able to face my problem head on."
"Do you accept the risk?" The Doctor was looking at him squarely, plainly wanting Neelix to comprehend something that was far beyond his range.
"Yes," Neelix decided. "Yes, I think Kes would want to be able to wake up and think about this. She should be conscious. Yes. Then I can talk to her and help her work it through."
The Doctor shifted his feet as if they were really sore, and as if he were really troubled. Perhaps he was.
"Very well," he said, and picked up another hypo "I'll bring her out of it. But you know what she'll say."
Neelix drew his perpetually drawn brow. "What will she say?"
"She'll swear us to secrecy on behalf of Tuvok's well-being, just as she maneuvered me into not telling anyone. And she'll be quite displeased with me that I told you."
"I'll make her understand, don't you worry, Doctor. I'll take care of Kes, no matter what it takes."
Rura Penthe.
Janeway knew about