Flashback - Diane Carey [38]
Seeming to have gotten the answer he expected, Valtane leaned back casually and said, "Your loss."
He rolled over and put an end to the conversation that way.
Slowly, Janeway moved to Tuvok's bedside and knelt down, keeping her voice low. Silly-because Valtane couldn't hear her-but she felt there was wisdom in not disturbing Tuvok too much, not creating too much of a chasm between the present and the past when she needed him to keep one foot in each.
"Tuvok," she began, "did you really mean that?"
His brow puckered, as if his second thoughts were encroaching-thoughts from many years yet to come. "At this point in my life . . . yes. My experiences at the Academy and on the Excelsior were not pleasant."
"I knew you left Starfleet for more than fifty years, but I never knew why. I didn't realize it was because of a conflict with humans."
"My perception of humanity and Starfleet," he said carefully, "was undoubtedly colored by the fact that I did not want to be here in the first place."
"Your parents really forced you to go to the Academy?"
Parents-she heard her own word echo. Parents had children. Children . . .
"It was their wish," Tuvok went on, not picking up on the fact that she was only half listening now. "And I felt an obligation to fulfill it."
"What did you do during those fifty years?"
"I returned to Vulcan, where I spent several years in seclusion, immersing myself in the Kohlinar, a rigorous discipline intended to purge all emotion. I wanted to attain a state of pure logic."
"What happened?"
"Unfortunately, six years into my studies, I began the pon farr. I took a mate."
"T'Pel?"
"Yes. We decided to raise a family together. I chose to postpone my studies."
Feeling a smile tug at her lips, Janeway found it strangely compelling and warm that Tuvok, who had tried to purge away all emotions, chose instead to raise children. The two weren't exactly on the same track.
"And what brought you back to Starfleet?" she asked.
Tuvok paused, considering. Evidently this wasn't something he had thought about for a long, long time. He actually seemed to relax a little.
"Raising children of my own made me appreciate what my parents experienced raising me. And I came to realize that the decisions I made as a youth were not always in my own best interests. I understood their decision to send me to the Academy .. .
and that there were many things I could learn from humans and other species. I decided that I wanted to expand my knowledge of the galaxy. Starfleet," he finished, "provided that opportunity."
She gazed at him. "I'm glad you had a change of heart."
He glanced at her. "As am I, Captain . . . although 'heart' had very little to do with it. It was a logical decision."
"I'm sure it-"
The ship trembled, sending a shiver through Janeway's bones.
Over the comm, Captain Sulu's rumbling voice announced, "Red alert! All hands to battle stations!"
The young officers all rolled off their bunks. Val-tane came down in a groggy heap, gasping. "What's going on? I thought we were still five hours from Klingon space!"
He took off for the door after the others.
Tuvok stood up. "A Klingon cruiser has decloaked inside the nebula," he said to Janeway. "At this moment, they are firing concussive charges across our bow."
"Let's go," Janeway said, just as another hard shake of the hull nearly slapped her to the deck. If she hadn't had a grip on the edge of the bunk, she'd have gone down. Fine thing, sprain an ankle in the middle of an illusion.
So which doctor would do a better job treating it? The illusionary doctor of a distant memory, or the holographic doctor of twenty-fourth-century technology?
Hmmm. . .
The smells of the bridge encroached on Janeway as she and Tuvok blended again onto the Excelsior's bridge. Was his mind rushing them around, or were her own thoughts beginning to fuse?
She'd seen this before-the bridge before the battle with the Klingons. Sulu at the command center, Valtane at his post, Rand at hers, Tuvok at his-