Flashback - Diane Carey [79]
along with decisions made that way. If I cannot fit in, then I cannot contribute effectively. I will be a part of the machinery that fails at a critical moment."
Maintaining his image of a sedate pillar, Spock neither nodded nor in any way proclaimed what he was thinking about that. He gave neither approval nor chiding to Tuvok at this difficult time.
He took a few long seconds to think about his response, and, curiously, didn't seem hurried. That was a strange Vulcan-to-Vulcan trait which many learn ed not to do when among humans, who frequently interrupted each other in conversations. Vulcans, when speaking to each other, seemed un-fazed by long periods of silence for thought.
When Spock broke the silence, the flow of fine diction was decidedly passionate.
"I entered Starfleet to escape the kind of tensions which you have found here. As a half-Vulcan, my turmoils on Vulcan were more stressful than those I found in Starfleet. I had some internal conflicts, of course, but having been raised on Vulcan I have always considered myself Vulcan. Yet, I found my fellow Vulcans intolerant not of my behavior or intellect, but of my blood. The very illogic of that drove me away, to Starfleet. When I found discomforts there, I had nowhere to escape. Therefore I stayed until I was much older than yourself. My deepest questions came rather later in my life."
"You had questions," Tuvok said, "yet you are still in uniform."
"Back in uniform, Ensign. I did leave, for quite a
while. I, too, abandoned my Starfleet career to study the Kohlinar. I found it informative, but ultimately static. I cannot tell you that things that seem irrational are true, though you know they are not. I can suggest that you will learn to adjust yourself. Your logic will encompass more than itself someday."
Though Tuvok tried to appear hardened and un-movable, summoning the hardheartedness that Vulcans often fell back upon, he hesitated for several telling seconds before asking, "Captain, are you recommending that I remain?"
Spock, on the other hand, never hesitated. "Quite the contrary. You should leave Starfleet and go to Vulcan to purge your dissatisfactions." Another pause, but a different kind. "I do not understand," Tuvok said, letting his guard down a little. He evidently wanted an answer even more than he wanted to be left alone.
"You should go," Spock explained, "because your doubts will fester otherwise. You must explore all your avenues. Should you come to change your mind," Spock continued, "you should know that no one at Starfleet will begrudge your leaving. It is my sincere hope that you someday consider returning. There are certain types of knowledge that go beyond logic. Diversity is not possible in the homogeneous environment of Vulcan. We can preach diversity, but we cannot experience it if we reject that which is diverse. Logic is linear, Ensign. Life is not."
Another significant pause was disturbed only by the clatter of ship's business out in the corridor as a maintenance team rattled by with some kind of cart.
"That is," Tuvok said eventually, "logical, sir."
"Yes, of course." Spock appeared amused to the untrained eye. "I will tell you what I tell many young Vulcans, and hope to someday rekindle your curiosity. Logic can be a shackle forever holding you back, or it can be a platform from which to begin your investigation of life and the lives around you. It is a starting point. Little more."
He broke his stance,