Flex_ Do Something Different - Ben [20]
In essence, the self-responsibility constancy is about removing the psychological constraints we all put on our options and actions. It is more about trying to live as if we are ‘God in our own universe’. Because in the end the world is a reflection of yourself. What opportunities are missed because we like the comfort zone of dependence? Because we like not exercising the freedom and control we have. We like chaining ourselves to an outside world. We like not being responsible. It does not have to be like this.
Don’t wait for catastrophe to force changes on you.
It is sad when people suffer some major life event or catastrophe, perhaps a major illness, a partner leaving, an accident, the unexpected death of someone dear. As a consequence, though, some people are released from the vice-like grip of their habitual ways of behaving. The catastrophe can bring about new beginnings. The person may be freed up to do things they had previously wanted to do – perhaps give up a job, travel somewhere, make a big change in their daily life. It is a pity – and unnecessary – to wait for a major catastrophe. Why not take the liberty and make the moves or improve things now, whilst you are still in the driving seat?
A word about luck
The word ‘luck’ crops up all the time in conversations and in people’s attributions of success and failure. It seems knitted into the fabric of many people’s lives. I think luck will fill the vacuum if self-responsibility is not exercised. So, the degree to which you believe in luck may be a good (inverse) barometer of your own level of self-responsibility. Our lives will inevitably be shaped by many forces such as the demands of others, genetics and finances, but the absence of inner direction and choice makes it certain that ‘luck’ will reign. Research makes it clear that being lucky is not a happenchance – we make our own luck by our behaviours, by our efforts and by our own beliefs and actions. Random factors, synchronicity, astrological charts and supernatural forces can operate only in a world where choices are not shaped and taken by individuals. If you want to predict the future you have to shape it yourself
24. Balance
Making sure each aspect of life receives due care and attention. For any aspect of life, there needs to be equivalence between the level of importance we assign to it, the level of effort we put into it, and the satisfaction resulting from it.
The balance constancy judges value and worth. Balance has two different aspects:
The balance between importance, satisfaction and effort. I call this levels balance.
The balance between different areas of life. I call this life balance.
In terms of levels balance, this is achieved when the importance level, satisfaction level and effort level are equivalent. The levels in each measure might be high or low, but they need to be the same. Imbalance occurs, for example, if you think that something is important (e.g. a particular relationship, an activity you do, or a value you hold), but it does not make you very happy or you do not put the appropriate level of effort into it. The imbalance can be the result of either too much or too little of the three factors – importance, satisfaction and effort.
In terms of life balance, past research in FIT Science has concentrated on three life elements:
work or job
non-work or domestic, social and interpersonal activities and
self.
The key here is to have life in balance across all three areas. A great deal of attention in the media and in academic research has been placed on work-life balance. This focus on work-life balance fails to account for the centrality of the self. Aspects of self include how individuals view themselves in terms of value in the context of what they do. It includes such things as self-efficacy (the belief that you can be effective in the world), self-developmental aspects and general self-worth. It is not uncommon for people to put themselves last when making work or non-work decisions. Mothers,