Flex_ Do Something Different - Ben [26]
When we get people to do something different in our programmes some say they find that even trivial changes feel strange. Not watching the TV for one evening, for example, leaves people wondering what to do with the time. Sitting in a different seat to have dinner, a very minor step outside the norm, some say feels weird to them. Getting people to change seats during our group training sessions even meets with some resistance and questioning!
There is nothing intrinsically negative in the discomfort zone (if it involves doing the right thing) except the fact that the feelings signify you are doing something that may not come naturally.
In some ways, flex transition involves an exercise in relabelling those feelings. The feelings can serve as a really positive indicator that you are entering a new developmental phase. Instead of a negative label you need to learn to give them a positive label. To do this does, of course, mean that you need to prove to yourself that the new behaviours you are trying have value for you. This will be difficult if you are unable to separate the effects of the new behaviour from the initial negative attributions you give to the discomfort zone. So this may require a little experimentation, practice and repetition. There is often a ‘feelings lag’ when doing something new and you have to give this time to disappear. That is one reason you need to persevere when you enter the discomfort zone. It is a place of growth and if you can keep that in mind it will get easier.
35. Moving on and expanding tastes too
Let me give you an example of this that I have found repeatedly in my own life. I am a child of the 60s – a ‘baby boomer’ and a hippy who ‘got into’ rock music and all the old favourites of that era, such as The Beatles, Bob Dylan, Genesis, Led Zeppelin and the like. Good music. Many of my friends still like the music of their past. But times change. And there is so much more music easily available now. It would be narrow-minded to restrict oneself to a tiny portion of all the good music that exists in the world. The musical world expands so much when you can add a genre of music to what you love. So I decided to work by a simple rule. If music within a genre is considered ‘the best’ by those that love that genre I do not dismiss it because it is not to my (natural or learned) taste. I work on the assumption that it must be good; it is just that I have not learned to like it yet because it is in my discomfort zone.
So I have expanded what I think (and feel) is some outstanding music. I have sought out and tried some of the best in all kinds of genres and made a point of listening to it. Not just once or twice. If a musical expert says it is the best there is, then I take time to try to learn why it is good. And, over the years, I have come to love many types of music – not just classical and modern but also the most avant-garde and way out from all around the world. And I have totally revised my thinking about what is and isn’t dull.
I think by doing this I have expanded my love of music 1000-fold. I can now appreciate and value so much more and I believe my life is richer and more expansive for having done so. I retain discrimination and taste within each genre, so repetition does not always turn out to my liking. But I am open to the notion that it is good because many find it so. I have needed to give my feelings and thoughts time to catch up with this fact.
This is an example in a small area of personal choice. But this can be applied to many areas of life where you might feel negative or discomfort towards something. People, customs, hobbies, activities, performances. Try to understand why others are excited by something outside your usual experience. Try exposing yourself to it instead of dismissing it. Avoid that habit we’re all prone to