Flex_ Do Something Different - Ben [31]
Our academic research shows that individuals who develop a wide range of attributes find it easier to make decisions, handle different situations better, cope well with change and generally get more from life.
The behaviour-rater is, of course, just a simple and quick test to get you to think about your behaviours.
flex yourself – Do Something Different
Look at your behaviour-rater. Which behaviours didn’t you tick? If you tend to behave more one way than the other you may have an asymmetric personality.
Yes, you could be psychologically lopsided. Most of us are.
Since we only use part of our personality, that part becomes strong and muscular and the other 90 per cent, if you’re not careful, can wither away and die from lack of use! flex is a way of changing that and of putting that other 90 per cent to work for you.
The way to flex yourself is to start trying out some behaviours associated with the opposite of your often-used trait; literally experiment with another way of being. Just once or twice, or for one day, perhaps. Remember, there are no rights or wrongs, no good or bad here. All ways of behaving can be equally acceptable depending on the circumstances. The key is being able to act in the most appropriate way given the demands of the situation, not habitually reacting without thinking in the same old way. A good way to start is to experiment with some of the behaviours you don’t usually use. To start flexing yourself in small ways. You will find some flexing ideas below. No one’s saying you’ve got to undergo a radical personality change; you’ve just got to try not being yourself now and again. See how it feels. Notice the response you get from others. Remember the law of unintended consequences – good things that you didn’t expect may come back to you.
Look at the behaviours on the next few pages. Select the ones you didn’t tick on your behaviour-rater and try out some of the suggestions associated with that trait. It’s doing something different again, but this time with your personality.
The unassertive-assertive dimension
Unassertive? Try being more assertive.
Speak up when you would normally hold back.
Be direct in asking for what you want.
Express an opinion.
Be more forceful in putting something across you believe in.
Say no (when it’s OK to).
Refuse a request without giving a reason or excuses.
Suggest a trip out to the person closest to you.
Write a short letter to the local newspaper about something that’s important to you.
Practise saying, ‘I don’t agree with that.’
When questioned today, be decisive in your answer even if you feel unsure.
Next time you disagree with something you see on the Internet, voice your opinion in the feedback.
If you don’t like a haircut/meal/purchase then send it back, complain or return it.
Don’t take no for an answer today.
Assertive? Try being more unassertive.
Stay in the background more.
Ignore criticism; don’t react.
Behave as if another person knows better than you.
Let somebody else decide or choose something for you.
Practise saying, ‘I’ll go with the flow.’
Say a lot less than you would normally do.
Try saying, ‘I don’t mind, you choose.’
Ask someone, ‘Is there anything I can do to help?’
Ask someone to suggest a trip somewhere.
Even when you think you know the answer, ask someone else’s opinion and see how it contrasts with your own.
Let your partner/friend choose what to do on your next night out.
When eating out ask someone for a recommendation and try it.
The trusting-wary dimension
Trusting? Try being more wary.
Ask for a reason why.
Check the facts carefully.
Find out about someone else from others.
Check out if people are who they say they are.
Be more mysterious.
Update or change your privacy settings and passwords.
Google people you know and find out more about them.
Keep a secret diary.
Cover your tracks.
Find a secret hideaway place for your special things.
Go on holiday but don’t tell too many people where.
Find an opportunity to say, ‘I’ll think