Flush - Carl Hiaasen [69]
“What about the fish?” Abbey asked worriedly.
“There was only one left, the loneliest, most pitiful guppy you ever saw. I put him in the bathtub,” Shelly said.
“And him?” I nodded toward Billy Babcock.
“Slept through all the fun, believe it or not.” Shelly nudged him again with the rake handle. “Once he wakes up, I’ll clue him in on what happened. Otherwise he’ll be curious about all those fresh bruises and fingernail marks.”
I went over to take a close look at Lice Peeking. The toppling aquarium had left a plum-sized knot on his forehead. His T-shirt showed several rows of small bloody holes where Shelly’s rake had dug in, but he seemed to be feeling no pain. He snored peacefully, blowing snot bubbles from his nose.
Abbey said to Shelly, “What a loser! I can’t believe you’re taking him back.”
“It’s none of your business, princess, but let’s say it was. Let’s say you were my mother and you were upset about me hangin’ out with this lame excuse for a boyfriend. I’d tell you that I’m a big girl with my eyes wide open. Made a few dumb mistakes of my own, but I was always grateful for a second chance. And trust me,” Shelly said, “that’s all Lice Peeking is gettin’—one more chance. Look here, he even went and bought me some new earrings.”
Shelly pulled back her thick hair to reveal five small, shiny hoops in her left ear. Abbey admitted they looked cool.
“Yeah, they do.” Shelly turned to me. “Noah, what does your daddy think is gonna happen to Dusty Muleman?”
“He says the Coast Guard will probably shut down the Coral Queen right away. He says they won’t throw Dusty in jail, but they could make him pay out a fortune in fines.”
“But if the boat’s out of business, then you’re out of a job,” Abbey said to Shelly. “What are you going to do?”
“Don’t worry about me, princess. Being a bartender in the Keys is like being a roofer in hurricane season. You’re never out of work for long.”
The trailer was such a disaster that sweeping and mopping seemed like a waste of energy; it should have been towed straight to the county dump. But it was Shelly’s only home, so I said, “We’re going to help you fix up this place.”
“You’ll do no such thing.” She steered us toward the door. “I got all the help I need, these two turkeys ever wake up.”
She gave each of us a quick hug, then closed the door.
Abbey checked her watch and announced that we had exactly eleven minutes to get home or else we’d be grounded until the next century. We took off down the old road as fast as we could.
Ahead I spotted two familiar figures, one running and the other pedaling a beach cruiser beside him. Abbey noticed them, too.
“Noah, don’t stop,” she said through clenched teeth. “No matter what.”
And I wouldn’t have stopped, either, if only Jasper Jr. hadn’t called me an exceptionally insulting name as we flew past. Next thing I knew, I felt myself hit the brakes. It was pure reflex. After all that had happened, I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to brighten Jasper Jr.’s day.
“Are you completely whacked?” Abbey whispered.
“Keep going,” I told her firmly. “I’m not kidding.”
She knew it, too. She kept riding.
I spun the bike around and waited. Jasper Jr. was on the beach cruiser, and Bull was jogging to keep up—beet-faced and sweating buckets.
“Where you guys going?” I asked pleasantly. “To the marina maybe? To have a chat with the Coast Guard?”
Jasper Jr. hopped off the bike and let it fall. I could see that he was boiling mad. He stalked up to me and grabbed my handlebars and wrenched them back and forth, trying to knock me off.
Somehow I kept my balance, and I also kept the smile on my face. It was driving him nuts.
“Okay, dorkbrain, let’s do it!” Jasper Jr. snarled. “You and me! Right now!”
“Jasper, don’t start nothin’,” Bull said, bending over to catch his breath.
Very calmly I climbed off my bicycle and put down the kickstand. Then I stepped up to Jasper Jr. and got right in his face. When he reached up to shove me, I knocked his arms away.