For Whom the Bell Tolls - Ernest Hemingway [63]
“I have thanked him,” Maria said. “And I will carry him sometime. Allow us to joke. I do not have to cry, do I, because he carried me?”
“I’d have dropped thee,” Joaquín went on teasing her. “But I was afraid Pilar would shoot me.”
“I shoot no one,” Pilar said.
“No hace falta,” Joaquín told her. “You don’t need to. You scare them to death with your mouth.”
“What a way to speak,” Pilar told him. “And you used to be such a polite little boy. What did you do before the movement, little boy?”
“Very little,” Joaquín said. “I was sixteen.”
“But what, exactly?”
“A few pairs of shoes from time to time.”
“Make them?”
“No. Shine them.”
“Qué va,” said Pilar. “There is more to it than that.” She looked at his brown face, his lithe build, his shock of hair, and the quick heel-and-toe way that he walked. “Why did you fail at it?”
“Fail at what?”
“What? You know what. You’re growing the pigtail now.”
“I guess it was fear,” the boy said.
“You’ve a nice figure,” Pilar told him. “But the face isn’t much. So it was fear, was it? You were all right at the train.”
“I have no fear of them now,” the boy said. “None. And we have seen much worse things and more dangerous than the bulls. It is clear no bull is as dangerous as a machine gun. But if I were in the ring with one now I do not know if I could dominate my legs.”
“He wanted to be a bullfighter,” Pilar explained to Robert Jordan. “But he was afraid.”
“Do you like the bulls, Comrade Dynamiter?” Joaquín grinned, showing white teeth.
“Very much,” Robert Jordan said. “Very, very much.”
“Have you seen them in Valladolid?” asked Joaquín.
“Yes. In September at the feria.”
“That’s my town,” Joaquín said. “What a fine town but how the buena gente, the good people of that town, have suffered in this war.” Then, his face grave, “There they shot my father. My mother. My brother-in-law and now my sister.”
“What barbarians,” Robert Jordan said.
How many times had he heard this? How many times had he watched people say it with difficulty? How many times had he seen their eyes fill and their throats harden with the difficulty of saying my father, or my brother, or my mother, or my sister? He could not remember how many times he had heard them mention their dead in this way. Nearly always they spoke as this boy did now; suddenly and apropos of the mention of the town and always you said, “What barbarians.”
You only heard the statement of the loss. You did not see the father fall as Pilar made him see the fascists die in that story she had told by the stream. You knew the father died in some courtyard, or against some wall, or in some field or orchard, or at night, in the lights of a truck, beside some road. You had seen the lights of the car from the hills and heard the shooting and afterwards you had come down to the road and found the bodies. You did not see the mother shot, nor the sister, nor the brother. You heard about it; you heard the shots; and you saw the bodies.
Pilar had made him see it in that town.
If that woman could only write. He would try to write it and if he had luck and could remember it perhaps he could get it down as she told it. God, how she could tell a story. She’s better than Quevedo, he thought. He never wrote the death of any Don Faustino as well as she told it. I wish I could write well enough to write that story, he thought. What we did. Not what the others did to us. He knew enough about that. He knew plenty about that behind the lines. But you had to have known the people before. You had to know what they had been in the village.
Because of our mobility and because we did not have to stay afterwards to take the punishment we never knew how anything really ended, he thought. You stayed with a peasant and his family. You came at night and ate with them. In the day you were hidden and the next night you were gone. You did your job and cleared out. The next