Forged of Steele Bundle (Books 1-4) - Brenda Jackson [110]
Leah’s trembling hands went still at the same moment she sucked in a deep breath. “Neil Grunthall is dead?” she asked in a shocked voice.
Jocelyn lifted a brow. “Yes, didn’t you know? But then there was no way that you would have since you left town that same night. He left town drunk and drove to that tavern on the outskirts of town and got even drunker. It’s my understanding that he was speeding, hit a tree and was killed instantly.”
Leah hung her head and said softly, “I never knew that. The few times I came home I could never fix my lips to say his name to ever ask about him. It took me years just trying to deal with being a rape victim before admitting I needed help. I finally went to a victim assistance program and I discovered what I felt wasn’t unusual. A rape victim feels ashamed, weak and wounded, and unless they get help they will continue to feel that way. The program I got into has helped me to come to terms with what Neil did, but I have some ways to go before fully recovering. Even to this day I haven’t been able to let another man touch me intimately.”
“Oh, Leah,” Jocelyn said, tightening her hand around Leah’s. “You shouldn’t have gone through that alone. Even if you didn’t want to confide in Reese and Dad, then what about me? You could have come to me.”
Leah shook her head. “No, I couldn’t have, Jocelyn. You were the one who always did the right thing. You would have gone straight to Dad and told him what happened and I couldn’t risk you doing that. Neil was crazy and there was no way I was going to tell Dad or Reese what he’d done.”
For a long moment neither of them said anything, and then Jocelyn quietly asked the question she needed to know. “Are you going to tell Reese?”
Leah met her sister’s intense stare and shook her head. “No. I still can’t stand the thought of Reese ever finding out what happened, Jocelyn, and I don’t want his pity. This is something I have to overcome in my own way and time. Like I told you earlier, I can’t stand the thought of a man touching me that way. I can barely tolerate the times I have to visit the doctor for my physicals. Besides, I hurt Reese in a way he would never forgive me for.”
“Yes, but if knew the truth about why you left, then he—”
“No, Jocelyn, I won’t tell him. It doesn’t matter now because I can’t ever be that way with a man again even if he did understand. So it doesn’t matter. I won’t tell him and I want you to promise me that you won’t ever tell him, either.”
Jocelyn turned her head and gazed out the window. She knew how much Leah leaving without a word had hurt Reese, so much, in fact, that he had left town for a couple of years to get over it. Once he had served time in the army he had returned, and barely ever mentioned Leah’s name. Jocelyn had been nervous as to what his reaction would be upon seeing Leah again at their father’s funeral. She had watched him, had studied his expression the exact moment Leah had walked into the church. Jocelyn had seen the pain and the hurt that was still there, that five years hadn’t fully erased.
“Jocelyn, you have to promise me.”
Jocelyn turned and met her sister’s pleading gaze. Then she remembered the reason Leah hadn’t come to her the night she’d been raped was that she’d known that no matter what, Jocelyn would have done the right thing and told her father anyway. There was no way she would have let Neil get away with hurting her sister.
And although she didn’t agree with what Leah was asking her to do, it was her sister’s decision to make, and she would do as she asked. “I promise. I won’t tell Reese, but I’m hoping that one day you will.”
There weren’t too many places to go in Newton Grove when you wanted to get away for a spell, but Jocelyn was determined to find one.
When she came to a traffic light she stopped and rubbed the bridge of her nose with her fingertips, recalling what Leah had shared with her at dinner. Each time she thought of her sister being powerless under the