Fourth Comings_ A Jessica Darling Novel - Megan McCafferty [116]
“You said maybe?”
“I said I needed to think.”
“That’s what you told me, too. About the guardianship.”
“Right. I know.”
“You think too much.”
“Really? No one has ever told me that before.”
“So…what do you think about it?”
“About which part?”
“Both.”
“…”
“…”
“Why did you marry Grant?”
“What?”
“Why did you marry Grant?”
“Because we were—we are—in love with each other.”
“But you loved other guys before Grant. Like Jerry. Remember Jerry? From high school? You were mad about Jerry.”
“Oh my. Jerry…Def Leppard Jerry…He was the best kisser…. Mmmm…”
“Bethany?”
“Huh?”
“…”
“Jerry was my first love. My first everything. We were in high school and had no idea what we were doing. Jerry is best left behind as a bittersweet memory.”
“What if Marcus should have been best left behind as a bittersweet memory?”
“What about working together to build a mature relationship? A partnership based on mutual respect? What about making a life together? What about growing up?”
“Well, that’s just it. How can I even think about getting married when I’m still getting an allowance from my big sister? Part of growing up is getting a real job that pays me enough money so I can stop bumming off you….”
“Is that what you think it is? Charity?”
“Well…uh…yeah. I mean, there are better-qualified nannies out there….”
“Better-qualified, maybe. But not better for Marin.”
“I’m not sure you’d still think that if you had any idea how often I let her watch Grease 3: The Return to Rydell….”
“You think I don’t know that? Of course I know that! Marin tells me everything.”
“She does?”
“She does. And why would I pay a stranger to take care of her when she can be with family? When I know you need the money? You need to stop feeling guilty about accepting help from others. You seem to have this idea that it’s somehow cheating, that it makes you a failure or something. But that’s what loved ones do, Jessie. We help each other. And you taking care of Marin helps me, way more than you realize. Do you think I would entrust you with the care and well-being of my only child if I didn’t believe you were the best person for the job?”
“I guess not.”
“…”
“…”
“I’ll do it.”
“Do what?”
“Be Marin’s legal guardian.”
“Really? Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“Don’t say yes because you feel guilty.”
“I’m not. I want to do it, though I hope I never have any reason to.”
“Me too!”
“I knew all along that I would say yes. I just…overthought it.”
“You have a tendency to do that.”
“Really? You’ve never mentioned that.”
“…”
“…”
“Grant makes me feel safe.”
“What?”
“I’m married to Grant because he makes me feel safe.”
“Hmm…”
“What?”
“Bridget says the same thing about Percy. When I ask her how she knows that Percy is the One, she says it just as plainly and simply as you just did. ‘I love him. He makes me feel safe.’”
“So?”
“I love Marcus. But he makes me feel out of control and out of my head. He is exhilarating and terrifying. I see and feel him everywhere, and I’m always grasping for equilibrium even when he’s not there.”
“So?”
“I feel like I’m always falling in love, falling and falling and falling. I can’t live my life in a perpetual free-fall, but I’m not ready to safely settle down, either…”
“Well, you can’t have it both ways.”
“…”
“What? I didn’t hear you, Jessie.”
“I know.”
seventy
Just moments ago, I thought FOREVER had finally arrived.
I was sitting cross-legged in the bottom bunk holding a package, turning the soft bundle over in my hands, trying to figure out how you managed to send it from the undeveloped woods along the Delaware River, and why it had come wrapped not in a mailing envelope but in plain tissue paper. I was debating the merits of your predictable unpredictability, and whether it was more appropriate to call it unpredictable predictability at this point. I was wondering if whatever was inside that tissue paper would undo all the conclusions I’ve made in the past seven days.
Because right up until the moment that I tore through the paper and discovered the thin, paint-smeared T-shirt, I believed