Fractions_ The First Half of the Fall Revolution - Ken MacLeod [122]
Or so it seemed. Perhaps it was just his own frustration. One of the liberating discoveries he’d made in reading the humanist philosophers was the innocence of furtive masturbation, but that was not much comfort here. By historical standards Beulah City wasn’t too bad: its churches denounced premarital sex but encouraged early marriage; its laws forbade homosexuality (theoretically on pain of death, but in practice it was almost impossible to bring a conviction, and anybody charged with it had every opportunity to shake the dust of Beulah City from their feet) and abortion, although they tolerated contraception. The only grounds for divorce that it recognized were adultery or desertion, but the complete ban on any public explicitness about sex was coupled with a reasonable provision of counselling for legally married couples. Even so, that left plenty of room for sexual ignorance, incompatibility and misery, to say nothing of hypocrisy.
Coming from that environment into this part of Norlonto was like stepping from an air-conditioned building into a hurricane. The pervasive pornography and prostitution had repelled him. He wasn’t sure whether his objection derived from the Christian beliefs he’d rejected or the humanist principles he’d embraced. The people in the Collective showed no interest in commercial sex, but he felt they disapproved of it. Their own sexual attitudes and relationships were difficult to figure out with social skills developed for an entirely different society. Mary, Alasdair, Dafyd, Lyn, Tai, Stone and the rest were to him so many black boxes, connected by arrows of desire.
Mary Abid’s long black hair and large dark eyes had been a target for some of his arrows, but she had a thing going with Stone (that relationship, at least, had been easy to identify). Jordan had also quite fancied Tai, and had even – shyly, obliquely – attempted some chatting up until he’d realized the slim, small, pretty Singaporean wasn’t a girl. And wasn’t gay either, just in case that still-unthinkable thought had crossed his mind. So until now he’d made do with highly unrealistic fantasies about Janis, whose image had floated in and out of the background of his communications with Moh.
He felt absurdly ashamed of that now as he looked at the two pictures of Cat. He didn’t want a fantasy of Cat; he wanted – it was a distinction realized, a revelation, a resolve – the reality of her. You couldn’t fall in love with someone you didn’t know, with a face in a picture; but looking at those pictures he wanted nothing else but to find this woman, to have her and hold her and protect her. And if she wouldn’t have that, if she wouldn’t have him, he could at the very least try to dissuade her from putting her beautiful body on the line in those futile fights.
Tired and restless, he threw himself face-down on the bed. For a few minutes he slept, then woke with a dribble of spittle and sweat on the pillow under the corner of his mouth. He rolled over and lay with his hands behind his head. Posters shouted down at him from the walls. British Troops Out Of English Troops Out Of London Troops Out Of Federal Troops To. Solidarity with this. Solidarity with that. Solidarity with Solidarity. (Now, what the heck did that mean?)
There was a sort of reproof in their conflicting urgencies. Moh had wanted him to speak his mind, to push his ideas up the Collective’s tiny entry ramp to the information highways, and he must have had some reason. Jordan thought he saw part of it: as a cover story for