Fractions_ The First Half of the Fall Revolution - Ken MacLeod [130]
He frowned down at her, puzzled.
‘OK, Jordan,’ she said, patting the floor. ‘Let’s not piss around with what we can and what we can’t say. We’ve got a bit of time, and there’s a lot that we can talk about.’
Jordan pushed aside some pamphlets with the edge of his shoe and sat down facing her, the soles of his feet on the floor, his elbows on his knees.
‘For a start,’ Cat continued, ‘who are you, and what are you and Moh up to? I know Moh’s running scared of Donovan catching him, and that ain’t like him at all. We’ve all been in the Body Bank, and the CLA do fast trade-offs, you know? I mean, shit, Moh’s done time. What’s going on?’
Some question. Jordan tried to think fast. It seemed that the deal was that Cat wouldn’t talk about whatever linked the femininists with the ANR, and he wasn’t expected to talk about whatever Moh had wanted to keep secret: the drugs, the Black Plan…The Black Plan was in both their secrets, their controlled zones of conversation.
‘I don’t know for sure,’ he said. It was true, up to a point. ‘As far as I know, Donovan was after Moh to settle accounts because of you. Janis – that’s this scientist Moh’s going around with – she’s in some kind of trouble with Stasis.’ A thought struck him. ‘What if Donovan and Stasis are working together?’
‘Oh, goddess.’ Cat’s face betrayed dismay. ‘That would explain a lot.’
‘Which you won’t?’
‘That’s right.’
They locked looks for a second.
‘Just one thing,’ Jordan said, gathering his thoughts. ‘Moh’s made contact with the ANR. Can you confirm that?’
Cat thought about it for a moment, then nodded.
‘All right,’ Jordan said. He smiled with relief. ‘I guess he’s off my hands.’
‘You could say that,’ Cat said dryly.
‘As to who I am…Basically, I’m from Beulah City. I owned part of a business there. I left a few days ago because…I got a very unusual business proposition, yeah, and it gave me the chance to leave and…a rather urgent reason to leave.’
‘Did you need one, beyond not being a believer?’
Jordan felt himself go red before her unblinking blue-eyed scrutiny. ‘Maybe I was irresolute, maybe a bit too reluctant to hurt my folks.’ He tasted gall. ‘Maybe cowardly.’
‘Crap,’ she said. ‘Don’t be so hard on yourself. That’s how those places bloody work, dammit – all the ideologies you were ranting about tonight. You start to doubt them and before you know it you doubt yourself, you feel guilty because you’re going against what’s been rammed into you and you feel guilty because you’re being dishonest about it every day.’ She paused, eyebrows raised.
‘Yes! that’s it. Exactly.’
‘OK. Well, I’m sure you’ve sussed out by now that there’s nothing wrong with you.’ The very casualness of the way she said the words sent them straight to his solar plexus, where they glowed. ‘What you probably don’t realize is you’re not alone: there are people in all the mini-states – even in BC, take it from me – who’re as alienated as you were.’
‘Could be.’ He didn’t see it himself. ‘Anyway, Moh seemed to think there might be some mileage in that. He wanted me to help him with’ – Jordan waved his hands, smiling – ‘this bit of trouble he’s in, and later in tracking you down, but he definitely wanted me to do a bit of ranting, like you said, as well. Can’t see it making much difference to whatever’s gonna happen, though.’
‘Me neither.’ Cat grinned disarmingly. ‘But you said you thought people were changing their minds by the hour, coming round to thinking: ah, fuck it, the ANR is in with a chance, yeah? Well look at this place, they’re all doing just that.’
‘That’s down to you?’
Cat nodded. ‘Yup.’ She grinned. ‘Easiest bit of agitation I ever pulled.’ Again her gaze was inescapable. ‘And you?’
‘Yeah, I…I’d like to see them win, sure, but…that’s as far as it goes. It’s not some kind of conversion.’
‘That’s all it ever is, in these situations,’ Cat said. There was a moment while they both paused, reflecting. In these situations…Revolution