Fragments_ Poems, Intimate Notes, Letters - Marilyn Monroe [4]
Alone!!!!!
I am alone—I am always
alone
no matter what.
Look Mag
Hu 27291
Rupert Allan
There is nothing to fear
but fear itself
What do I believe in
What is truth
I believe in myself
even my most delicate
intangible feelings
in the end everything is
intangible
my most precious liquid must
never spill don’t spill your precious liquid
life force
they are all my feelings
no matter what
My feeling doesn’t
happen to swell
into words—
Note: Rupert Allan met Marilyn in 1959. As the West Coast editor of Look magazine, he had secured Marilyn her first cover photo, which appeared on June 3, 1952. This may explain her reference “Look Mag.” Subsequently, Rupert Allan became Marilyn’s press agent and remained such up until the end of the filming of The Misfits, when he accepted Grace Kelly’s offer to work for her in Monaco.
Actress must have no mouth
no feet
shoulder girdle hangs light
hanging
so-o-o
loose
everything
focus my thought on
the partner—
feeling in the end of
my fingers
Nothing must come
between me and my
part—my feeling—
concentration
The feeling only
getting rid of everything
else
my mind speaks
no looks
body only
letting go—face feeling
mind
spirit
no attitude
listening to the body for
the feeling
listen with the eyes
buoyancy
Tension
loose—having no brakes
letting go of everything.
feeling only—all I have to
do is think it. How do
I hear the melody—the
Tone springs from emotion
Tone—groans and moans—“I’m (animals—“down to the hogs”)
so sick”—hums from
with cat—hum—nice kitty soft.
starts from below my feet
feet—all in my feet.
What is my pantomime playing with
How is my head?
as if I might never
speak move
transparency.
letting go.
down down in back.
pulling up from here.
right tension stomach
[illegible] only
Fear of giving me the lines new
maybe won’t be able to learn them
maybe I’ll make mistakes
people will either think I’m no good or
laugh or belittle me or think I can’t act.
Women looked stern and critical—
unfriendly and cold in general
afraid director won’t think I’m any good.
remembering when I couldn’t do a god
damn thing.
then trying to build myself up with the
fact that I have done things right that
were even good and have had moments
that were excellent but the bad is heavier
to carry around and feel have no confidence
depressed mad
Pardon me
are you the janitor’s
wife
caught a Greyhound
Bus from Monterey
to Salinas. On the
Bus I was the only person
woman with about
sixty italian fishermen
and I’ve never met
sixty such charming gentlemen—they
were wonderful. Some
company was sending them
downstate where their boats
and (they hoped) fish were
waiting for them. Some
could hardly speak english
not only do I love Greeks
[illegible] I love Italians.
they’re so warm, lusty and friendly
as hell—I’d love to go to
Italy someday.
Notes:
The sentence of the notebook is one of the few lines Marilyn had to say in Love Nest (1951), so we may assume that these notes—at any rate, the ones written in pencil—date from the same period.
In February 1948, Marilyn went to the California towns of Salinas and Castroville in order to promote diamond sales in two jewelry stores. She stayed at the Jeffery Hotel in Salinas for a week.
Medici 1400 AD–1748
Prototype—first type
Giovanni di Bicci first foundling home
Bronze doors in the
in Florence 1424
Ghiberti 23 perspective
used his great architect
Brunelleschi 22
Donatello 1386–1466
Masaccio 1401–1428 father of modern art (reality
poverty careless about his painting)
life except his painting—
Giovanni di Bicci responsible
for him. His work never recognized
until after his death.
The Pantheon—temple
Greek philosophy—golden mean
(neither too big—or too small)
kept ousted old pope
gave money for temples for Brunelleschi
elected