Frank's Campaign [43]
" 'My husband!' exclaimed Mrs. Tubbs, astonished at the fellow's impudence. 'You, don't mean to say that you are my husband?'
" 'Of course I am,' said Thomas.
" 'Then,' said Mrs. Tubbs, 'I would have you know that my husband is a respectable little man, not half your size.'
" 'Oh, dear!' thought Thomas. 'Well, here's a kettle of fish; my own wife won't own me!'
" 'So I was,' he said aloud. 'I was only four feet six; but I've--I've grown.'
" 'Grown!' Mrs. Tubbs laughed hysterically. 'That's a likely story, when it's only an hour since my husband went into the street as short as ever. I only wish he'd come in, I do, to expose your imposition.'
" 'But I have grown, Mary,' said Tubbs piteously. 'I was out in the crowd, and I couldn't see what was going on, and so I wished I was ten feet high; and, before I knew it, I was as tall as I am now.'
" 'No doubt,' said Mrs. Tubbs incredulously, 'As to that, all I've got to say is, that you'd better wish yourself back again, as I sha'n't own you as my husband till you do!'
" 'Really,' thought Mr. Tubbs, 'this is dreadful! What can I do!'
"Just then one of his children ran into the room.
" 'Johnny, come to me,' said his father imploringly. 'Come to your father.'
" 'My father!' said Johnny, shying out of the room. 'You ain't my father. My father isn't as tall as a tree.'
" 'You see how absurd your claim is,' said Mrs. Tubbs. 'You'll oblige me by leaving the house directly.'
" 'Leave the house--my house!' said Tubbs.
" 'If you don't, I'll call in the neighbors,' said the courageous woman.
" 'I don't believe they'd dare to come,' said Tubbs, smiling queerly at the recollection of what a sensation his appearance had made.
" 'Won't you go?'
" 'At least you'll let me have some dinner. I am 'most famished.'
" 'Dinner!" said Mrs. Tubbs, hesitating. 'I don't think there's enough in the house. However, you can sit down to the table.'
"Tubbs attempted to sit down on a chair, but his weight was so great that it was crushed beneath him. Finally, he was compelled to sit on the floor, and even then his stature was such that his head rose to the height of six feet.
"What an enormous appetite he had, too! The viands on the table seemed nothing. He at first supplied his plate with the usual quantity; but as the extent of his appetite became revealed to him, he was forced to make away with everything on the table. Even then he was hungry.
" 'Well, I declare,' thought Mrs. Tubbs, in amazement, 'it does take an immense quantity to keep him alive!'
"Tubbs rose from the table, and, in doing so, hit his head a smart whack against the ceiling. Before leaving the house he turned to make a last appeal to his wife, who, he could not help seeing, was anxious to have him go.
" 'Won't you own me, Mary?' he asked. 'It isn't my fault that I am so big.'
" 'Own you!' exclaimed his wife. 'I wouldn't own you for a mint of money. You'd eat me out of house and home in less than a week.'
" 'I don't know but I should,' said Mr. Tubbs mournfully. 'I don't see what gives me such an appetite. I'm hungry now.'
" 'Hungry, after you've eaten enough for six!' exclaimed his wife, aghast. 'Well, I never!'
" 'Then you won't let me stay, Mary?'
" 'No, no.'
"With slow and sad strides Thomas Tubbs left the house. The world seemed dark enough to the poor fellow. Not only was he disowned by his wife and children, but he could not tell how he should ever earn enough to keep him alive, with the frightful appetite which he now possessed. 'I don't know,' he thought, 'but the best way is to drown myself at once.' So he walked to the river, but found it was not deep enough to drown him.
"As he emerged from the river uncomfortably wet, he saw a man timidly approaching him. It proved to be the manager of the show.
" 'Hello!' said he hesitatingly.
" 'Hello!' returned Tubbs disconsolately.
" 'Would you like to enter into a business engagement with me?'
" 'Of what sort?' asked Tubbs, brightening up.
" 'To be exhibited,' was the reply. 'You're the