From Darkness Won - Jill Williamson [82]
“But my friend is lost in the Veil. I want to know—”
“Do you trust Arman, Highness?”
“Yes, but—”
“No buts. Either you trust Him or you don’t.”
Achan shifted on his chair. “Maybe I don’t, then.”
“I agree. You don’t trust Him fully or you’d know you did. Arman wants your trust, Highness. When He asks something of you, He’s seeking your heart. Your attitude, your disposition, your fears, your strengths, your obedience, your allegiance. All of you. When you trust Arman with your life, you run the risk of exposing your real fears. You run the risk of Arman having total authority and say in your life. Most men don’t like that. They like to be in control.”
“What’s so bad about being in control?”
“Nothing, if you want to make a mess of your life. You think you can run your life better without Arman?”
“I know I can’t. But how can I learn to trust Him more?”
Toros smiled. “Learning is not the easiest way, Highness. It’s easiest simply to do it, even when it’s hard. Simply trust Him.”
“How is doing easier than learning?”
“Have you heard the saying, ‘Don’t pray for patience or Arman will bestow trials so you may practice patience’? I believe the same is true of trust. Don’t pray for trust if you’re not ready to face the trials that’ll force you to trust Him, to lean on Arman for strength. A life of continual trials isn’t pleasant. But it’s one way to learn to trust Arman.”
Odd way of looking at it.
“Arman held nothing back from you when He gave you His Son. Hold nothing back from Him. Trust Him. His will is always perfect, Highness, even when it doesn’t make sense.”
When Achan lay in bed that night, he asked Shung to sit with his body so he could enter the Veil. He went back to the room where Sparrow lay and was surprised to find a noblewoman asleep in a chair beside the bed.
Sparrow? Achan focused on Sparrow’s face, wishing he could nudge her shoulder. You’ve closed your mind. Are you back in your body?
A long moment passed with no answer. Achan could sense Sparrow’s shields around her mind, but he had no way of breaking through without being able to locate them.
Sparrow, please. You have to lower your shields to talk to me. At least say something so I know you are well. I promise to leave you be after that, but I must know that you’re not hurt.
At least she looked more comfortable now. Someone had repositioned her arms and combed back her hair. The noblewoman, perhaps?
Achan sent a knock the formal way, in case Sparrow expected him to use his manners. Achan Cham.
Still no response. He hovered, calling to Sparrow on and off until he felt himself growing weak with fatigue. He returned to his body. He would do Sparrow no good if he were lost himself, and he did not want to discover what happened if a man fell asleep while his mind was in the Veil.
The next morning Achan woke to find Matthias watching him. The boy had put his bedroll on the floor beside Achan’s bed. They had fallen into a morning ritual, and being on the road would apparently not deter Matthias from it. Each day Achan woke to find the boy waiting. Matthias chose one of Achan’s scars, and Achan would tell the tale. Then they would wake Shung in the most amusing way possible.
Achan spotted Shung’s bedroll across the linen drape of the door, but remembered Sparrow was lost in the Veil. “Not today, Matthias. I must search for Sparrow.”
The boy’s expression sagged.
And Achan could not bear to see Matthias frown. “All right. Quickly, though.”
Matthias’s dark eyes roamed Achan’s chest, then flitted to his face. He pointed a black finger at Achan’s cheek.
“Esek cut me.” Achan turned his head to show Matthias the cut on his other cheek. “Both sides. With Ôwr, my father’s sword. But I have it back now. Ôwr’s blade will never harm me again. Now, run fetch us some breakfast and tell Cole I will not be riding again today.”
Matthias had to step over Shung to leave the tent.
Some shield