From Here to Eternity_ The Restored Edit - Jones, James [152]
“Lorene,” he dreamed, “I hope you pull it off. By god, I hope you do.”
“Theres nothing to pull off. Its all there. One, two, three. In black and white. In my town there are many who have done this, except that they were amateur whores, ‘mistresses,’ instead of professionals.
“And then,” the voice said softly, “with it all arranged and running like a well oiled clock, the other will fade out and die and be only the memory of one of those dreams you dream, and are always afraid will happen to you in real life, but that never do. Because when you are proper, you are safe.”
“Lorene,” he dreamed, “Lorene. Lorene, I think that I love you, Lorene. You’ve got guts and beauty and, Lorene, I think thats why I love you, Lorene.”
“You’re drunk,” said the voice. “How could a man love a whore? that he met for the first time in a whorehouse? You’re drunk and you had better go to sleep.”
“Thats what I thought you’d say,” he grinned slyly at the apparition, at the dream. “I knew you’d say that.”
“How did you know?” the voice said.
“I just knew,” he said. “I know you, Lorene. But will he love you, Lorene, this rich guy? Will he love you like I think I do?”
“You dont love me,” the sleepiness around him said. “You’re drunk. And he wont be rich.”
“But he’ll have prestige, position, money, all the things you said, all the things us fucking joes wont never have. But I dont think he’ll love you much, Lorene. I just dont think he will, somehow.”
“He will never know that I was a whore. There is no way in God’s world he could ever find it out.”
“It wasnt that I mean, Lorene.”
“And for the rest—I’ll make him love me. Because by then, I really should know how.”
“No. No one ever has it all, Lorene. Some that are lucky are allowed to choose, but even then its not a choice. But no one ever has it all, somehow. Theres not even any use to ask for it, or even fight for it. Dont ever expect it either, Lorene. He will never love you, Lorene, this rich guy. Your mind, Lorene, being what it is, aint goin to let him love you. Thats the part you’ll never have, thats the part you’ll have to pay. No one ever has it all, and what you get from life at all you pay him dearly for, by giving up what you really wanted more, but never knew it, never realized, until after he high pressured you to sign.”
“Its time you went to sleep,” the voice said soothingly.
“I know. Because I’m drunk. But its when I’m drunk, Lorene, that I can see the things I cant remember and cant see, when I’m sober. I’m drunk and dreaming, but oh, Lorene, I can see the Truth so plain. I can almost reach out and touch it.”
Then, it seemed, the long pale dream gowned in the filmy flowing stuff that did not cover up the nipples or the swelling black triangle that he loved to look at reached down to him the plate with the golden bugle on it and the other plate in the other hand with the two cans of C Ration Meat & Beans, and bent over him and kissed him on the lips because he had chosen the wrong one and the cloudy heavens fell.
“Now go to sleep.”
“Why did you kiss me? You think I’m drunk, and that I wont remember. But I’ll remember. And I’ll come back.”
“Shush. Shush. Of course you’ll come back.”
“You think I wont. But I will. I’ll be back. I’ll always be back.”
“Of course you will, I know you will.”
“I’ll be back Payday Night.”
“And I’ll be looking for you.”
“And I’ll remember everything I saw tonight and explain it to you then. I saw it all so clear, so plain. I know that I’ll remember. Dont you think I will remember?”
“Of course you will remember.”
“I must remember. Its important. Dont go away, Lorene. Stay here.”
“I’ll stay here. You go to sleep now.”
“All right,” he said, “all right, Lorene.”
Chapter 18
HE DID REMEMBER. He had been very drunk and