From Here to Eternity_ The Restored Edit - Jones, James [208]
“You know,” he said, “actually the thing with this man Prewitt is important only insofar as it affects you personally. Not for the boxing squad, not even for your prestige. In reality its only a springboard for testing and developing your character.”
“I never thought of it that way before.”
“I dont think it would be good for you to transfer out until after you handle that thing, just for your own good, see? Then after you handled that and transferred, you could drop the whole damned boxing squad altogether. We’ll have better uses for your energy.”
“Yes, I could do that,” Holmes said, wondering if he wanted to quit coaching.
“Well,” Sam Slater grinned, getting up. “I need another drink and I think we’ve talked damn near enough, dont you? We’re wasting valuable time, hey? I’m going to find those goddamned women.” He stepped over to the syphon bottle and was very suddenly no longer the philosopher, it was as if part of his mind had been turned off like a spigot.
Capt Holmes was startled, then almost frightened. Because he could not forget it all so easily. He had seen a picture of a new power that would make a brand new world, a world with real meaning based on logic, not just the meaning of the moralists. This was a meaning that would work out in practice, based on a realistic power. A power of great kindness with potentialities to do great good, to raise humanity to new heights despite humanity’s own mulishness and inertia. A power that was tragic in its kindness because it would always be misunderstood by the masses who wanted only to fornicate and fill their bellies. A power that only history would vindicate, because the lives of great men and great ideas were always tragic. It had made his belly muscles tighten spasmodically with a sheer desire to just plain yell that he had not felt since he was a boy. How could Slater just shut it off like a faucet?
Then he realized suddenly that he was doubting, here he had just learned it and already he was doubting, and he was frightened worse. Was logic still logic if you could doubt it?
This is old stuff to Slater, he told himself, he’s used to it, of course he can turn it off. Its just new to you, thats all. And you’ve still got that old habit of doubting. Thats all. He wondered if Sam Slater had ever doubted any, when he first learned it? Of course he had, he told himself. But somehow he doubted that. What if Slater had never doubted it? what then? He thought of asking Slater if he ever doubted and his heart suddenly skipped warningly with more than fright, with fear, at the obvious giveaway of his disbelief such a question would confess.
He was not doubting the logic, he realized suddenly, what he was doubting was himself. He was doubting his ability to stop doubting. Perhaps Slater had made a mistake in him?
But if Slater was wrong, then Slater’s logic was fallible, wasnt it? Capt Holmes felt the old yawning bottomless feeling coming back on him, felt the earth once again refuse his feet.
What if his wife had not refused to cook his dinner for him, had not gone with her rich civilian?
What if Jake Delbert had warned him beforehand that there would be a General here tonight and given him time beforehand to get apprehensive?
What if Sam Slater had not had the needle out for Jake?
Capt Holmes saw quite clearly very suddenly that he would have been a different man, and that things would have happened very differently, and when Sam Slater handed him his fresh drink his hand was trembling.
“Come on,” Sam Slater grinned. “They’re all in the next room back here.”
“Yeah. Sure,” said Capt Holmes, and followed him, hoping only that he had not seen. He wondered if Slater would remember this tomorrow? And he wondered if this world-shaking conversation was in reality only a Holmes-&-Slater-shaking conversation? And he wondered why it was the earth would not ever stand still, would not let you set your feet upon it?
He looked at the people in the room, at the Colonel sprawling drinking