From Here to Eternity_ The Restored Edit - Jones, James [326]
“Well,” Angelo said “you aint never been in there.”
“Course I aint never been in there. Thats why you’re briefing me, aint it?”
“Well, I dont want to scare you off nor nothing.”
“You wont scare me off,” Prew said quickly. “Lets have it. Lay it out.”
“I’ve been in there five times myself you know. I dont look no differnt, do I?”
“Well,” Prew said, “not much differnt. Come on, lay it out.”
“Okay, I’ll see can I explain it to you. But it aint really near as hard as it sound, when you tell it. You got to remember,” he said sheepishly, “that it aint near so hard as it sound.”
He went on swinging his hammer, carefully, punctuating his sentences with the hammerblows, carefully, so the guard would not notice and interrupt, as he talked.
“The first half hour,” Angelo Maggio said, “after they throw you in, that aint so bad. They’ve probly work you over a little bit and the relief of gettin free from that carries you a while. You just lay there and relax for a while.”
“Yes,” Prew said.
“Ony, that begins to wear off after a half hour or so,” Angelo Maggio said. “Thats when your mind starts to workin again. The Malloy says thats what causes it: Theres nothin to do but sit, and of course there aint no light, and you aint got no outlet for your thinking, see?”
“Yes,” Prew said.
“Well,” Angelo said. “I dont know what causes it myself,” he said apologetically, “but after the first half hour or so you awys get to imaginin, somehow or other, that the walls is on wheels like, see?”
“Yes,” Prew said.
“Well, you think they’re closin in on you, like, on them wheels,” Angelo Maggio said, “and thats when you first get so you cant breathe. Now I know it sounds silly as hell,” he said.
“Yes,” Prew said.
“You see, there aint enough room to stand up in there without bending over, and if there was you’d ony be able to take three steps from front to back. Course, theres no room to walk sideways at all. So you cant walk it off, you have to just sit, or lay, on the bunk, and do all your relaxin in your mind. I know it sounds stupid,” he said.
“Yes,” Prew said. “Come on,” he said.
Angelo took a deep breath like a man about to dive from a board too high for his ability but that he cant back down from now that he is up there in front of everybody.
He let part of the breath out. “The first time I was in I thought I was goin to suffocate to death. It was all I could do to keep from startin to yell. If you once start to yell you’re gone. Dont start to yell. You’ll still be yellin when they come to take you out. Or until you get hoarse and lose your voice. And then you’ll still be yellin inside. Even then.” He stopped.
“Yes,” Prew said. “What else?”
“If you can sleep a lot, that helps, but some guys its hard to sleep because you see the bunk aint really a bunk. Or a cot. Its ten or twelve iron pipes hung lengthwise from a wall on two chains and course theres no mattress nor blankets on it.”
“Yes,” Prew said. “Is that all?”
“The Malloy says you can beat all that if you can control your mind. I never can,” Angelo Maggio said. “The Malloy can control his mind to stop thinkin. I cant do that. I’ve pick up a few little tricks that help some, but I cant do that other. One way I learn myself was count your breaths off: pull in eight, hold four, let out eight, hold four; that way helps that feeling how you are suffocating.”
“All that happens to you every time you’re in there?” Prew said.
“Another thing, I get hungry. They give you one slice of bread and a tincup of water three times a day.
“(The Malloy,)” Angelo Maggio said parenthetically, “(says he never eats a thing when he goes in there. He drinks the water but he dont eat nothing. He says if he dont eat nothing he dont get hungry after the first day; also, he says, that helps you to control your mind.)
“I never been able to do it,” he grinned sheepishly, “I awys get hungry and eat the bread, and that makes me hungrier. The worst thing I got to keep my mind from thinkin about is chickens and turkeys—you know how they hang them up roasted in the delicatessens?—and steaks and