Full Frontal Feminism_ A Young Women's Guide to Why Feminism Matters - Jessica Valenti [16]
See? I really think it doesn’t take all that much for us to work through the pop culture nonsense—we just have to talk it out, hopefully with each other and with women who have been there and done that. Okay, so maybe it won’t be quite that easy. But it’s a start. And it’s a much better alternative than calling each other sluts, that’s for damn sure.
Like a Virgin, and Other Pop Contradictions
Never mind trying to find an authentic sexuality in our fake-orgasm pop culture—it’s near impossible to find anything that makes sense. There are all of these contradictions in porn/pop culture that blow my mind and make it all the more difficult for young women to find an authentic sexual identity. It hurts the head to talk about them too much, but unfortunately it’s necessary if we really want to get a grasp on what is being expected of women: the impossible.
BE A VIRGIN... BUT BE SEXY
We already know that we’re supposed to be virginal (lest we mar our purity), but when it comes to pop culture, the virginity thing gets more complicated. Since I’d probably date myself by talking about Madonna’s “Like a Virgin,” I won’t go there. Think Britney Spears (pre-K-Fed) and Jessica Simpson (pre-Newlyweds). They both claimed to be “saving themselves” for marriage and spoke out against premarital sex (while simultaneously presenting themselves in the most sexual way possible, of course). Naturally, it later came out that Spears (before her two weddings) had sex; it was rumored that Simpson managed to wait till the night before her wedding. I can’t think of a better example of how we expect girls to be sexy but not have sex. It’s the idea of virginity that’s popular, not the reality of being chaste. Look sexy, act as if you’re having sex, but if you do it . . . whore! You can even look at the newfound popularity of “revirginization” surgeries—you know, getting your hymen “repaired.” It’s the lie and the performance of being a virgin, not the reality. Truly baffling. And impossible to recreate. Unless you feel like getting a new hymen.
In 2006, the British government banned violent pornography.
BE AVAILABLE . . . BUT UNATTAINABLE
Like I mentioned earlier about hotness: It’s about accessibility. We’re expected to be available to men, but we’re also expected to be “mysterious.” Much in the same way we’re supposed to be sexy but not give it up. Think about a Maxim cover girl—she’s totally unattainable but simultaneously available for consumption. No guy who reads the magazine will ever meet her or talk to her—but he gets to look at her half-naked and jerk off to her if he wants, which is something he can’t always get from the women he meets in his everyday life. So in that way, she’s the “perfect” girl. Again, impossible for real women to live up to.
LIKE SEX . . . BUT DON’T COME
The prevalence of porn has led to this really weird point in American society where the sexual ideal for younger women is a porn star. Internet porn and the normalization of pornography have spawned a whole new generation of guys who were raised thinking that porn sex equals normal sex. Not to mention a generation of girls who think porn sex is the only way to please guys. So we’re expected to—once again—put on the “show.” This means a whole load of screaming, dirty-talking, and sex-loving madness. But the problem is that we’re expected to imitate something that’s acted. Most porn stars aren’t really getting off. So the best sex is fake sex? Think about what this does to younger people trying to develop their sexuality! Terrifying.
BE A LESBIAN...WHO LIKES MEN
Being a lesbian is totally acceptable—so long as there’s a man around to watch it—and you’re young and “hot,” of course. The absence of any real images of lesbians in pop culture is kind of crazy. I mean, even Showtime’s The L Word features a bevy of sexy gals and storylines that fit pretty neatly into the girl-on-girl male fantasy. This isn’t to