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The good news is, feminism isn’t all about antis. It’s progressive and—as cheesy as this sounds—it’s about making your life better. As different as we all are, there’s one thing most young women have in common: We’re all brought up to feel like there’s something wrong with us. We’re too fat. We’re dumb. We’re too smart. We’re not ladylike enough—stop cursing, chewing with your mouth open, speaking your mind. We’re too slutty. We’re not slutty enough.

Fuck that.

You’re not too fat. You’re not too loud. You’re not too smart. You’re not unladylike. There is nothing wrong with you.

I know it sounds simple, but it took me a hell of a long time to understand this. And once I did, damn, did it feel good. Why go through your life believing you’re not good enough and that you have to change?

Feminism not only allows you to see through the bullshit that would make you think there’s something wrong with you, but also offers ways to make you feel good about yourself and to have self-respect without utilizing any mom-popular sayings, like “Keep your legs together,” or boy-popular screamings, like “Show me your tits!”

Really, imagine how nice it would be to realize that all the stuff you’ve been taught that makes you feel crappy just isn’t true. It’s like self-help times one hundred.

But all that said, I really do understand the hesitancy surrounding the f-word. My own experience with the exercise that kicked off this chapter—“What’s the worst possible thing you can call a woman?”—was presented by a professor on the first day of a women’s literature class after she asked how many of us were feminists. Not one person raised a hand. Not even me. My excuse-ridden thinking was, Oh, there’s so many kinds of feminism, how can I say I know what they’re all about? Blah, blah, blah, I’m a humanist, blah, blah, blah. Bullshit. When I think back on it, I knew I was a feminist. I was just too damn freaked out to be the only one raising her hand.

Most young women are feminists, but we’re too afraid to say it—or even to recognize it. And why not? Feminists are supposed to be ugly. And fat. And hairy! Is it fucked up that people are so concerned about dumb, superficial stuff like this? Of course. Is there anything wrong with being ugly, fat, or hairy? Of course not. But let’s be honest: No one wants to be associated with something that is seen as uncool and unattractive. But the thing is, feminists are pretty cool (and attractive!) women.

So let’s just get all the bullshit stereotypes and excuses out of the way.

But Feminists Are Ugly!

Yawn. Honestly, this is the most tired stereotype ever. But it’s supersmart in its own way. Think about it, ladies. What’s the one thing that will undoubtedly make you feel like shit? Someone calling you ugly.

Back in fifth grade, the love of my life was Douglas MacIntyre, who told me I’d be pretty if only I didn’t have such a big, ugly nose. I shit you not when I say that for months, every day after school I would stand in front of the three-way mirror in my bathroom, staring at the offending body part and trying to figure out how a nose could go so horribly, horribly wrong.

Ugly stays with you. It’s powerful, and that’s why the stereotype is so perfect. The easiest way to keep women—especially young women—away from feminism is to threaten them with the ugly stick. It’s also the easiest way to dismiss someone and her opinions. (“Oh, don’t listen to her—she’s just pissed ’cause she’s ugly.”)

Seems stupid, right? I mean, really, what’s with this na-na-na-boo-boo kind of argument? Have you ever heard of a Republican saying, “Oh, don’t be a Democrat; they’re all ugly”? Of course not, because that would be ridiculous. But for some reason, ridiculous is commonplace when it comes to the f-word.

For example, conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh says that feminism was established “to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society.” Okay—have you ever seen Rush Limbaugh? Yeah, enough said. Oh, and by the way—I think I’m pretty hot now.