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By Root 347 0

also wrote an article comparing the economic viability of wives versus hookers), says that if you marry a woman with a career, you’re in for a lifetime of pain. He cites all the bullshit articles and studies I’ve talked about, and argues that if a man marries a woman who works, he’s in for all kinds of problems: She’ll cheat; divorce is more likely; the couple is less likely to have kids and more likely to have a dirty house(!). And the list goes on and on.

Though Forbes eventually apologized for the article, this kind of nonsense is the perfect example of just how common these types of arguments are becoming. The thing to remember about all of this—the media messages, the stats, everything—is that it’s part of a larger agenda to reinforce traditional gender roles. And it’s true that not everyone wants to reclaim traditional gender roles, but a lot of the people in power do. (And I’m betting they read Forbes, natch.) And the folks who are trying to convince you that it’s cool to stay home and not work are the same ones who are screwing women over when it comes to the wage gap, childcare, and poverty. So don’t fall for their shit.

The truth? Discrimination still exists in the workplace, there’s a significant pay gap between men and women, women are not choosing to stay at home, and we’re facing a crisis when it comes to women and poverty.

But of course, instead of focusing on real issues of discrimination and work/life conflicts, society is busy feeding women distractions so that we don’t focus on them, either.

7

MY BIG FAT UNNECESSARY WEDDING AND OTHER DATING DISEASES

There’s something terrifying about the way relationship fever takes over women, or at least about how it’s expected to take us over. We’re expected to go from boy crazy when we’re little (remember, lesbians don’t exist) to bridezillas as adults. Landing a man is assumed to be our main goal in life, trumping any other desires. And while a little romance never hurt anybody, the idea that women are supposed to be obsessively focused on all things love- and relationship-oriented serves a strategic, anti-feminist purpose. Because if all we’re thinking about is how to get a guy, then maybe we won’t pay such close attention to the fact that we’re getting paid less at work or having our reproductive rights stripped away.

Now you’re saying to yourself, See, I knew feminists were just a bunch of anti-male killjoys! Slow your roll. This isn’t a diatribe against all things romantic. Shit, I’m as much a sucker for flowers as the next girl. Everyone likes being in love. Unless, of course, your object of desire is an asshole or doesn’t like you back—but that’s a problem for another book. The issue isn’t love and sex. It’s the expectation that this is all women should care about. And don’t even try to tell me that that’s not the case. What is the focus of pretty much all women’s magazines? TV shows? According to pop culture, women are either searching for a man, with a man, or getting over one.

Perhaps the most disturbing part of all the love mania that we’re subjected to is that it’s increasingly consumer based. If you’re not buying something, you’re not in love. Forget romantic connections and chemistry—it’s about the gifts, the dates, the wedding dress, the ring. More and more, young women are being taught that you can measure love in dollars. And that’s dangerous for men and women.

I think that romantic relationships or life partnerships are truly important parts of our lives—but they’re not the only part. Women are being taught that all we’re worth is what guys think of us. This screws up younger women particularly, because that indoctrination starts early and takes a while to get rid of (if you ever do). When you learn from an early age that the best a girl can hope for is to be desired by boys, you’re going to do everything you can to make sure that you are desired. Period.

So as lovely as romance can be, we have to make sure that we’re not falling into the trap of making our entire life about searching for an unrealistic notion of happiness. While