Full Frontal Feminism_ A Young Women's Guide to Why Feminism Matters - Jessica Valenti [49]
Romantic, huh?
It just goes to show you how easy it is to take institutions like marriage and make them into something discriminatory and just plain wrong. Because so many of these ideas of marriage, romance, and love are built on sexism and consumerism, they’re that much easier to pervert.
Reclaiming Romance
Clearly, romance has become the domain of the dollar—and the government. So I say let’s take it back.
There’s no reason we can’t have fulfilling romantic lives without adhering to the bullshit standards that are set before us. Mix it up. Create your own standards and your own romantic norms.
Then that way, the next time you see some display of a played-out romantic ideal, you can laugh it off. Hopefully all while wearing your I DON’T FUCK REPUBLICANS shirt.
8
“REAL” WOMEN HAVE BABIES
Whether it’s repro rights, violence against women, or just plain old vanilla sexism, most issues affecting women have one thing in common—they exist to keep women “in their place.” To make sure that we’re acting “appropriately,” whatever that means.
A huge part of keeping women in their place has to do with creating a really limited definition of what a “real” woman is like. And a ton of that what-makes-a-woman nonsense is attached to motherhood. Apparently, by virtue of having ovaries and a uterus, women are automatic mommies or mommies-to-be.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I think motherhood is an awesome thing—if that’s what you want. But there’s something insanely disturbing about the idea that because I can have a baby, I should have a baby—and that this is something I should want to do more than anything in the whole wide world. And if I don’t have that desire? Well, something is just plain wrong.
But of course the mommy pressure goes way beyond just popping them out. It’s about what kind of mother you are, and anything less than perfect just won’t do. If you work, you should be staying at home with your kids. If you’re poor or on welfare, you should be working (sorry there’s no affordable childcare, too bad). If you want to take time off from work to hang out with your kids, you’re a liability, but if you don’t, you’re a bad mother. If you don’t take perfect care of yourself while you’re pregnant, you’re a horrible person (and maybe even a criminal). If you don’t want to get pregnant, you’re unnatural. There’s really no winning when it comes to motherhood.
Not only do women have to become mothers in order to be good women, we have to become “perfect” mothers. All while getting pretty much no appreciation for it.
Forced Motherhood
Let’s face it—a lot of women want to be mothers, but there are also plenty of us who just don’t want to have kids. But for some reason, that’s seen as unnatural.
Women are supposed to want to have babies. It’s our “natural” inclination. Several of my friends—who are in their late twenties—decided a while ago that kids just aren’t for them. But whenever they express that sentiment to anyone in their lives, the reactions are insane. They’re generally pooh-poohed with an, “Oh, you’ll change your mind,” or just incredulousness that anyone would decide not to have kids. (Never mind that men who don’t have kids are just charming bachelors.) It forever bugs them that despite the fact that they’ve made an informed decision that’s right for them, they’re constantly being judged for it.
Of course, the idea that all women should be mothers is inexorably linked with issues of choice. Because our bodies are not really our own—they’re for making babies for the greater good. And if we don’t, we’re selfish.
A 2006 study published in Birth: Issues in Perinatal Care says that voluntary C-sections have a higher risk of death to newborn babies.
The wackiest example I’ve seen of this idea lately is this movement of religious women who call themselves Quiverfull Mothers (like