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And despite the problems in feminism’s history, I think we’re a great big fucking force to be reckoned with. Especially when we’re up front about our limitations. The real power of feminism isn’t in our numbers or our public image; it’s in the quality and diversity of the women involved. We don’t need the rhetoric of sisterhood to make a difference—we already are.

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BOYS DO CRY

Be a man. Boys don’t cry. Boys will be boys.

Men are affected by sexism too, but it’s not often talked about—especially among men themselves. That’s where feminism should step in.

The same social mores that tell young women that they should be good little girls are telling guys to be tough, to quash their feelings, and even to be violent. Their problems are our problems, ladies. Men aren’t born to rape and commit violence. Men aren’t naturally “tougher” emotionally. These gendered expectations hurt men like they hurt us.

I mean, really, can you imagine what it must be like to know that one of the only ways to demonstrate your “masculinity” is to do violence to someone else? To never let your guard down? Seems pretty goddamn awful to me.

Feminism can help men too, but only if they’re open to it. We can’t have a fully successful feminism if we’re missing half the population. The thing is, how can we relay the super-fabulous stuff feminism is made of to the men in our lives?

I am by no means an expert on masculinity. There are great people doing amazing work on how sexism hurts men—like academic and masculinity expert Michael Kimmel and organizations like Men Can Stop Rape. I’d highly recommend checking these folks out if you’re looking for in-depth information on masculinity.

My thoughts on men and feminism are really just starting to be formed, but it’s too important a topic to not get into it. Especially now, in a world where what it means to be “a man” has the potential to damage both men and women. Whether it’s a consequence of the way that masculinity is used during wartime, or the way it’s presented in pop culture—something just isn’t right.

Without dissecting how masculinity standards affect men, we’ll never be able to comprehensively address sexism and how it affects women. They’re linked like a motherfucker. Besides, imagine how much easier it will be to develop male allies in feminism when they realize that they have something to gain from the movement as well.

Men Should Act Like Men

A commercial for Milwaukee’s Best beer shows three guys digging a ditch in a back yard (can you smell the testosterone?). When a bee buzzes too close to one of the men, he frantically tries to wave it away while giving off a little high-pitched (you know, girlie) scream. His friends look on in horror. A huge can of Milwaukee’s Best falls from the sky and crushes the offending man—who clearly is too femmey to live. The voice-over says, “Men should act like men.” The same thing happens to another man who dares to soak up his pizza grease with a napkin. The moral of the story? Act like “a girl” and be killed by giant beer cans. Lovely.

Read ths book: Manhood in America: A Cultural History, by Michael S. Kimmel.

What I find truly interesting about this commercial—and this limited view of what it means to be a man in general—is that masculinity is defined as whatever isn’t womanly. So long as you’re not acting like a girl (or a gay!), you’re all good.

It’s kind of along the same lines as that “what’s the worst thing you can call a girl/guy?” exercise. The idea being that there is nothing worse than being a girl, and that being a man is simply the polar opposite of whatever “woman” is. So really, masculinity as it’s defined in our society is ridiculously tied up in sexism. How sad is that?

So back to “men should act like men.” I think the Milwaukee’s Best commercial is so telling—it really does represent the current state of masculinity in a lot of ways. Not only does it define what it means to be a man by pitting it directly against girlishness,